Smile

Prologue

Phee looked out of his window.
Today was one of these days where Phee tried to find peace by looking out, looking at the people outside.

He tried to silence the voices in his head.

He tried to ignore the chaos in his mind.

He tried not to think of the „what ifs".

He tried not to think of the happy moments they had together.

He tried to leave the past in the past, like he told him. To forget that the one he was missing so much right now was not by his side anymore. And he, himself, was responsible for it.

On days like today, Phee felt like he couldn't breathe anymore. Like he was drowning in the depths of the sea. He wanted to scream, to hit himself, to cry, but Phee was telling himself over and over again that he absolutely had no right to do these things. Not when he was at fault. He brought this misery upon himself.

The voices in his head have told him over and over again.

„You shouldn't have said that."

„You should have listened to him."

„You should have believed in him."

„You shouldn't have taken so long."

„You should have held on to him a little stronger."

„It's too late."

„He is gone."

„It's your fault."

„You lost him."

But nothing was worse than two specific voices.

„I love you, Phee! Please hear me out!"

„Don't take too long until it's too late, son."

But it was too late now. He couldn't turn back time. Phee wished he could so he can prove to be worthy of him.

The sun was shining, the sky was blue, and the streets were as busy as always. But all that didn't matter to him. Phee hated days like these. It's like the sun was laughing at him and his misery. People were going out with their friends and family, having dates with their lovers. Why? Why was everyone happy? Why is everyone allowed to be happy on a day like this while he has to remember that he lost the only person he ever loved on a sunny day like today?

Life is a bitch.

Love sucks.

And Phee told himself once again that he was the biggest ass of all. Ruining something beautiful. Breaking the heart of the sweetest, kindest, and cutest person ever.

All because he was hurt.

All because he didn't listen.

All because he took too long.

And all Phee was able to do right now was to look at his pictures with his burner, stalk his social media, and hurt himself by seeing how happy he was now. Without him.

He looked more carefree, healthier, and well-rested.

Phee looked at those pretty lips that he missed the taste of.
Those pretty eyes that once looked at him with nothing but love.
And that beautiful smile that once was only for his eyes to see and was the reason most of the time.

But now his love was smiling for everyone. The world should feel honored to see this beautiful person that he once was proud to call his love.

His cute and kind-hearted Non.