Smile

One

As a child, Phee wanted to become like his father. He wanted to be a respectful police officer and help people. Growing up, he learned that most of that was just a facade. The cruel reality was that no matter how much you want to help, money still reigns. He had to watch his father come home devastated so many times after he had to close a case since some higher-ups had connections and made him stop investigating. Those people had money. They had the power. Justice wasn't on the side where it belongs; justice was only for those with money and power.



It was just a coincidence that during that time, Phee met a young boy through social media. They weren't attending the same high school and had never seen each other, but they kind of clicked. It started as a harmless friendship, which soon turned into love.

Non was a shy boy in the beginning, yet whenever Phee looked him in the eyes, it seemed like Non was talking to him through his eyes, showing him different emotions.

During their time as friends, Phee told Non more and more of himself. How he was an only child, his father's occupation, and his mother died when he was still young, so his dad was trying to be there for him whenever he could despise his busy job as a police captain. He was fortunate to live a comfortable life with his father, not worrying much about life. In return, Non opened up a little more to him and told Phee about his own family.

Non came from a family that was not as fortunate as Phee. He has an older brother who was lucky and smart enough to receive a scholarship and was studying in London. Even though his parents always preferred his brother, Non still looked up to him without envy. He was proud of his older brother and made it his goal to work as hard as his brother to make his parents proud, even if they probably wouldn't notice it.
His parents always made sure to send New, Non's brother, his monthly allowance so he could have a more comfortable life in London. The consequence of this thought was that Non and his parents, without his brother knowing it, were deeply in debt, and Non had to work for the things he wanted himself.

Non's parents weren't really supporting him in his dream of becoming a famous screenwriter. His mother only saw him as a disappointment and a failure. He was never enough, was never smart enough, was never talented enough, or was never a good enough son.
His father? Was almost never at home. He was busy with his work, but whenever he was at home, the situation was a little more at ease. At least his father made the effort to show some interest in the things Non did; according to Non, even his father thought that his dreams were just a phase and that he should do something better and more helpful to the family.
The only one who made an effort and cared for him, despite his busy schedule at university, was his older brother. He may have been the favorite, but he never acted superior to Non. He always looked out for his little brother. They both called each other on almost a daily basis, or at least sent messages.

He was also the first family member Non introduced to Phee. New was supporting Non's dreams, always encouraging him to do what he wants, giving constructive criticism on some things that Non wrote, and most of all, he supported the relationship between Non and Phee.

Phee still remembered how nervous he was when Non told him that his brother liked to meet him. It was only through a video call, but this was his boyfriend's older brother, whom he was looking up to and who was the most important person in his life. Phee wanted to give New a good first impression to get his approval to date the younger brother.
Non told him to chill, that his older brother was a nice guy, and that he already told New a little bit about him. So him introducing Phee to his brother was not a big deal. New just wanted to see the guy who has his little brother smitten and who he has been fawning over all the time now.
So when the call happened, Phee calmed down a little, but his nervousness was still there. There was no point in calming down when you get introduced to someone important in your lover's life.

After meeting New, Phee understood why his lover looked up to him. Despite the favoritism their parents showed between the two brothers, New always made sure his baby brother was doing well. The moment he appeared on the video call, they were both greeted with a smiling New, who immediately asked his brother how he was doing, how his day was, if he had already eaten, or if his homework was done. Non, at that moment, had laughed and answered all the questions truthfully before introducing Phee.

The video call ended with a promise from New that he would invite them both to an outing when he's back in Bangkok after his studies. He asked for Phee to take care of his Nong in his stead and thanked him for being there for Non while he couldn't be present. They even exchanged numbers so they could stay in contact in case there was an emergency.

It was easy to be comfortable with both brothers. They were both nice and kind, and they had each other's backs.



It was thanks to Non that Phee found his love for movies, was fascinated by how they were made and the steps it takes to create a masterpiece, and was interested in the people who were responsible and passionate about helping make a film or a series.

So while Non was dreaming of becoming a well-known novelist and screenwriter, Phee slowly took an interest in becoming a director. It may have been a childish plan. Phee wanted to become a director who would be able to work with Non and his creations. Yes, it was naive; everything could work out like that, but that was how he imagined their future together. Non loved that idea, and they both promised to study well and become a power couple behind the cameras.

But promises are meant to be broken, right? A dream is a dream. With no chance to become reality. It was a childish dream that would never become reality. At least a part of it.






„Sir, please fasten your seatbelt. We will be arriving soon at the airport." The stewardess's voice snapped Phee out of his thoughts, and he immediately did as told. He fastened his seatbelt and waited for the plane to land at the airport.

After all these years, Phee was able to fulfill at least one promise. He kept studying and became a director. It was a long way to get to where he is now, but it was all worth it. And it kept him busy. It wasn't like he imagined it to be. Don't misunderstand it; he loves it; he loved to be part of a production, to be part of making art, but there was always a part of him missing. And he knew what it was, but he had no right to yearn for it.



„Ladies and gentlemen, Thai Airways welcomes you to Heathrow Airport, London. The local time is 6:39 p.m. For your safety and the safety of those around you, please remain seated with your seat belt fastened and keep the aisles clear until we are parked at the gate. In the name of the crew, I would like to thank you for flying with Thai Airways."


„Khun Ratthakiat!" The moment Phee walked out of the gate, he was greeted by the assistant who was assigned to him during his stay in London.

„You must be Leon, right?"

„Yes, sir. Welcome to London."

„Thank you, Leon. Please just call me Phee"

„Alright. Khun, would you like to go to your hotel first or would you like to dine before we head to the hotel?"

Phee felt a little uncomfortable and needed a shower after the long flight.
„Let's go to the hotel first. I'd like to get changed first."

„Alright." Leon took his luggage and showed the way out to the car. „This way, Khun Phee."



During the drive, Leon told Phee his schedule for tomorrow. He was lucky that he had no meetings today. Phee doubted that he'd be able to concentrate. He preferred to grab something to eat and maybe explore the city for a while before heading back to his hotel room.

„Khun, the meeting tomorrow will be at 10 a.m. with the screenwriters, your assistant director, and the producers. After that, you will have lunch together. Boss said you preferred to have your own place rather than a hotel room, so since you will be staying here for a few months, we found you a few apartments to choose from. After lunch, I will take you to take a look at them so you can move out of the hotel as soon as you want. When we're done, I can take you back to your hotel or anywhere you want. You will have dinner at 7 p.m. with the actors. The majority of the actors have already been chosen. We would like you to get to know them over dinner."

„It's less than I expected." Phee used to have more meetings in one day. Having only three was pretty relaxing. Maybe he could go visit a few places in his free time.

It didn't take long to arrive at the hotel. Phee took a shower and got changed. He remembered to text his father and update him about his arrival. When he came out of his suit, Leon was already waiting for him in the lobby.

„What would you like to eat, Khun?"

Phee wasn't too keen to eat somewhere fancy; he would be doing that often enough during his stay here, and it was his own little tradition to try out at least one fast food restaurant whenever he was out of the country.

„Are there any good fast food restaurants nearby, Leon?"

„There are a few here. If you want, we can walk."

„That would be nice. Thank you. I've been sitting for hours on the plane, I think a little walk won't hurt."


Leon is a bubbly person. He has been smiling all the way until they arrive at their destination. During dinner, he has been asking him about his flight and if there was something Phee wanted to see during his stay in London. He offered to play his tour guide. They tried to get to know each other since they will be spending a lot of time together, and Phee preferred to know a little more about the people he is working with besides their function.
He even got to know that Leon was born in Bangkok and grew up with his older brother. He moved to London with his parents when he was in high school, while his brother stayed in Thailand since he was already accepted into a university there with his boyfriend.

Phee has a small smile on his face. Leon remembered him of a young kid, excited to connect with different people. It was a nice change. People around him were mostly serious, so having someone as bubbly as Leon around him was refreshing.
It reminded him of Non whenever he told him about his new ideas and that he had to write them down as soon as possible. How excited Non was when he explained to him how he was picturing the scenes.


Non, he was somewhere here. In London. Well, that was the last information Phee got from Non's social media. Unfortunately, this information is a few months old. That was the last time he saw Non posting something. Would he be lucky enough to bump into Non? Would Non even remember him? Would Non even spare him a glance?
Maybe it was better that way. Not meeting each other. Not bumping into each other. Non must have a happy life now. Without him. It was a thought that broke his heart over and over again, but there was nothing much he could do.

They had a future, and Phee threw that future away on a whim.

After dinner, Leon and Phee decided to call it a night. Phee was still exhausted from the long flight, and even though there weren't many meetings tomorrow, it would still be a long day for him, but when he stood up, something bumped against his leg.

„Ouch." A little boy. Phee reacted fast and grabbed the kid by his arm before the little one could even fall on his bum.

„Neo!"

„Papa!"

Phee stood still. The father of the little boy was nearing, but he probably only focused on his son, ignoring him. As the father arrived, he instantly took the boy in his arms and kissed his forehead.

„Neo, you know you shouldn't run off. You should apologize, okay?"

The little one nodded and turned to Phee. „Sorry, mister."

The father finally turned to Phee, also ready to apologize, but stopped midway.

„Phee..."