Flickering Shadows

Chapter 7

Inara

Our room. The single word bounces around my skull so many times that I half expect it to shatter.

He wants me to sleep in the same room as him. Share quarters with him. Share space with him. Share a be- no... I couldn't possibly be allowed to sleep in his bed. Right?

But he's surprised me before, and maybe he wants... other things.

I shudder, my mouth opening before I even process the words that spew out. "I'm a virgin," I blurt.

The revelation hangs in the air, tainting the oxygen with tension and discomfort.

I always speak first, think second, just like Ms. Granelle constantly said. I really just can't keep it together, can I? I just keep messing up left and right.

His brows furrow, hand rubbing across his jaw as he scoffs. "You think... how could I- I can't believe you thought..." his words come out in fractured letters, his incredulity made known in every clench and twitch of his expression and body. "Excuse me," he mutters through clenched teeth, anger steaming a steady trail behind him as he walks into the bathroom and slams the door shut.

"Oh no," I breathe, terror seeping into my bones like melted butter, hot and unmistakable.

He's furious with me, and I can only guess what he took out of that statement.

I'm too innocent. I won't be able to take him well. I'm still a child. I can't-

Panic comes like a heavy wave as a new realization comes into focus. I'm inexperienced. I don't have knowledge on how to please him. I can't meet his needs because I have no idea where to even start. I won't be able to satisfy his cravings without his constant help. I can't even know when he needs it because I don't know what signs to look for. What does arousal do to someone? What does it do to a king? How often does he need things?

My breathing climbs, reaching a concerning pace as I slip down to my knees. My back is flush against the foot of the bed as I stare at the bathroom door, willing him to come out and talk. Willing him to hear me out before he throws me out of the palace.

Stupid, stupid, stupid! Why can't I get anything right? I'm a walking disaster, always one step away from making another mistake, and the king had to figure it out sometime.

He had to find out. I just sped up the process. Maybe he'll take it as doing him a favour and instead of killing me he will elegantly deposit me back in the Sun kingdom. But what if he doesn't take it as a favour?

Dread curls around the nape of my neck, gripping with enough pressure to bruise.

Am I about to die?

I shoot up from the floor with little to no grace before hesitantly tiptoeing to the bathroom door. My hand hovers above the black speckled wood, indecision warring in every part of my body.

If I take initiative and explain myself before he has to ask, then maybe his appreciation will outweigh his anger. If I stay silent and excuse him as he asked, maybe he will reward my good behaviour and send me packing instead of the to the gallows. Or maybe both options will end in my head on the floor.

My hand thrusts forward, but no sound comes. My fist connects with air, and I look up to find the Moon king standing there, an expression of wariness settled on his face.

Great. I'm making him tired on top of everything else.

"I'm so sorry, your majesty!" I rush to explain before he opens his mouth. "I wasn't very well educated on that... area, but I can learn! I will teach myself, so you don't have to do anything! Or if you would rather just find a better suited partner for your, uh, needs, then I completely understand! I promise I will do whatever you say! I'm a very quick learner and I bet I can find books that-"