i feel safe.

5. scrub.

HUGEEEE TRIGGER WARNING.

Rhea's pov:
i walk inside my front door hoping Jack was sleeping or watching tv, but i open my door to see him sitting on a stool in front of the door, staring at me.

i immediately noticed his bloodshot eyes, the slight droop to them as he stares at me angrily. "where the fuck were you? why did i get a call saying you skipped school today?" he asks sternly. i feel tears pricking in my eyes as i look at him, trying to blink them away.

i cannot cry in front of him.

"i felt sick at school so my friend let me go to her house for a bit." i lied looking him dead in the eyes. he looks me up and down, before walking closer to me.

he grabs my wrist and yanks my arm, pulling me to my bedroom. he punches me a couple times in the face as i try my hardest to stay conscious.

he grabs my hair and bashes my head into the hardwood floor. i start to see stars in my vision as he gets up in my face and says, "if you ever, and i mean ever leave school again. it'll be so much worse than this."

he starts unbuckling his pants as i succumb to the darkness seeping it's way into my eyelids.

————time skip————

i feel my eyes flutter open as i start to come to. i feel like i can't lift my head off the floor. wait. why am i on the floor?

i lay back down and stare at the slight outline of the ceiling fan as i become more aware of what happened.

it's been atleast 15 minutes of staring at my fan just thinking about what happened when all of a sudden i feel a sharp stabbing pain in my abdomen and back. my whole body hurts but this pain is so intense.

i sit up and try to keep my breathing calm. i know why this is happening. it's happened before, but this one is way more intense. i stand up slowly, gripping onto the bed frame for support.

i stumble to wrap a blanket around my lower half, as i didn't have any clothes on down there and my brothers were home. i make my way to the bathroom, passing my brothers that were in the hallway, trying not to let it show that i was in pain.

i get inside the bathroom and let out an involuntary whimper. i go pee (even though it hurt like a bitch) and i look under the sink and find the box of Levonorgestrel, which is the actual name of the morning after pill, and pop one in my mouth, washing it down with sink water.

i decide to take a shower because i feel disgusting. i put the toilet seat down and sit on it, gripping onto the sink for support as i begin to undress the top half of my body. after i'm fully naked i wrap the blanket around my body, not wanting to see myself in the mirror, and limp over to the door, locking it so no one can come in.

i limp towards the shower, reaching my arm through the curtain and turning the knob, making the water as hot as it can get. i hold on to the wall and take the blanket off of me, throwing it onto the floor somewhere.

i glance at the mirror and see it's almost completely fogged over, deeming it hot enough to get in. i lean onto the shower wall for support as i step into the scorching hot shower.

i point the shower head to the floor and sit down right under the stream, knowing if i try to stay standing i will pass tf out.

—-mini time skip—-

i've been sitting on the shower floor under the hot water for atleast 20 minutes. i'm beginning to feel lightheaded from how hot it is but i don't care. i slowly maneuver myself onto the side of the bathtub and sit there for a minute making sure i don't pass out from the movements.

i sit there for around 2 minutes and then i stand up, moving the shower head up to point at me, i grab my loofah and put at least half the bottle of soap on it. i start scrubbing my body. hard.

it's been at least an hour and i'm still scrubbing my body. i can't stop. i want to and i need to but i can't. i'm not clean yet.

i can feel his hands on me still. i want them off. i'm not clean yet. so, i keep scrubbing.

i've lost track of time, i started bleeding a while ago but i just keep scrubbing. the waters freezing. i'm not clean yet.

i flinch as i hear banging on the door. i hear someone walk in. "get the fuck out of the shower. you've been in here for like 3 hours." jack says sternly.

i scramble to rinse my loofah of all the blood, hanging it up on the hook. i turn the water off and step out of the shower, grabbing my black fluffy towel. i wrap it around my body and make my way to the door.

i pass jack in the hallway but he doesn't do anything except look at me, thank god.

i stumble to my room, locking the door once i get inside. i put on a black hoodie with some plaid back and red pajama pants, i limp over to my bed, getting on the floor and grabbing my shoebox.

i open the box and start looking through it until i eventually find what i need. my blade. i pick it up and start blindly cutting and slashing my thighs.

once i deem it good enough, i finally notice the crimson red covering my legs, dripping on my floor. i grab a random napkin from my floor and hold pressure on each cut to stop the blood flow at least a little.

once the bleeding slows down i reach up and grab my bandages from the third drawer in my vanity.

i wrap my thighs up tight and start wiping the floor so no one notices. i stand up and pull my pants up, limping over to my bed where i notice my phone.

i try to turn it on and it's dead. of fucking course it is. i put it on the charger and lay down, closing my eyes and drifting off to sleep.

——————
A/N: this chapter took almost a week to write and idek why. also if you haven't noticed, my chapters are like never proofread because i'm lazy asf.

also!! so proud of billie for winning yet another oscar tonight!