theodore nott right person wrong time

part two

(His pov)

*2 years later*

The familiar burn of whiskey skated down my throat after my first sip, but three glasses in and the burn turned to nothing. I couldn't even rely on alcohol to make me feel something these days. I have been numb since the day I left y/n, I knew it would be hard but never in a million years did I think it would be THIS hard. I definitely didn't think it would feel like i left my heart with her and would just carry around a hole the size of fucking Africa in my chest. Just another reminder of her. A reminder of what I don't have. Who knew it would be so hard to move on from the love of your life, it was especially hard when I saw her in everything, in the bookshops I walk past that I know she would love, in the smell of vanilla and in the stars which meant I could never escape her because the bastards are in the sky every fucking night taunting me.

Instead of staying at the bar and wallowing in self pity, I slid on my jacket and headed towards the door to wallow at home. When I left Hogwarts I travelled about a bit before renting an apartment in London, I needed to feel invisible and London was perfect for that, the hustle and bustle of the city swallowed me up until nobody noticed me, like a cloak of invisibility. As I reached for the door knob I froze in a state of paralysis, a silvery laugh pealed through the air, taking away my ability to breathe.

It couldn't be.

After what felt like hours I regained control of my body and turned to search for the source of the laugh that I recognised too well, the laugh that had tattooed itself into my mind. My eyes scanned over the bar, not recognising anyone, I was about to give up because I was in London, miles away from her, that laugh could have came from anyone.
'But it didn't' my mind screamed at me.
"Oh shut up"
Great. Now i'm talking to myself, I should mark down the date that I finally lost my sanity.
Before my mind could spiral anymore I caught a flash of y/h/c (your hair colour) hair out of the corner of my eye. My heart skipped a beat. She turned to the side and I didn't even need to confirm that it was her. I knew.

Y/n y/l/n.
My y/n y/l/n.
In London.
With me.
What.the.actual.fuck.

I should leave, no good could come from talking to her, she would have moved on by now, just like I wanted her too. She is probably happy and living her best life without me dragging her down, I tell myself this over and over again. yet I still find my feet walking towards her. She must have sensed my arrival because I watched as her smile dropped and she turned towards me. Nothing could have prepared me for the look on her face when her eyes met mine. It was a mix of shock, pain and anger.

After 2 years apart, all I wanted to do was pull her in and never let go. But I knew I couldn't do that, so instead I settled for a small smile. She didn't smile back. And I would be lying if I said that didn't kill me a little.

"hey" I said softly
"What are you doing here Theo?" Her tone came across cold but I could see the heat in her eyes, I wasn't the only one affected by our tension.
"I live here, I moved here about a year ago, what about you?"
"I moved here last week, I bought the shop that was for sale down the road." I could tell from her expression that she wasn't expecting to tell me that much but my heart swelled with pride and I couldn't stop myself from what I said next.
"You are starting your bookshop?"
Her eyes widened with surprise and in that second I got lost in them like I always use too.
"You remember?"
"I remember every single thing you ever told me cara mia"
"No Theo, don't do that" her voice broke when she said my name and it sent a fresh sharp pain through me.
"Do what?"
"Do this" she gestured between us "you can't come here and speak to me 2 years later, calling me cara mia and saying things like that acting like nothing happened, acting like you didn't rip my heart out and leave. I barely survived after you left and now you are just rubbing salt in the wound"

"No cara- y/n" I corrected myself
"Why are you here Theo?" She cut me off
"I told you, I live here"
"No I know that, I mean why are you here" she placed an emphasis on the here and I knew what she meant. I  didn't even have an answer for her, I don't know why I came over.
"I don't know y/n I really don't, I was on my way out when I heard your laugh, I would recognise it anywhere" another flash of pain flickered through her eyes "and I know I should have just left, you deserve so much more than me, that's why I left in the first place, but I felt drawn towards you, like there was a magnetic force pulling us together"

A humorless laugh slipped out her throat. "You keep saying that you left for my own benefit Theo, but that doesn't make any sense because I have never been happier than when I was with you. And I have never felt as shit as I did when you left, so please do explain how it was 'for the better'" she used her hands to make quotation marks in the air.
"Y/n that was never my intention, I really thought it would help you, you are just so pure and perfect and im tarnished and destined for a bad ending I didn't want to drag you down with me."
"Then why didn't you speak to me Theo?! You promised you would never bottle up all your feelings and that you would always communicate with me. You also promised that you would never leave, so were there any promises you didn't break?"
I realised she was waiting for an actual answer, so I decided to tell her the truth"
"There was one"
Her eyes told me to carry on
"I promised that I would always love you no matter what."
I watched as her eyes began to fill with water and a tear escaped, without even thinking I reached forward and wiped the tear off her cheek with my thumb, she closed her eyes melting into my touch, this was the most vulnerable I had seen her in a while and my thumb lingered there for a few more seconds before she pulled away. She looked down to recollect herself and when our eyes met again and hints of vulnerability had vanished.

"I can't do this Theo. I need to go"
I began to panic, I couldn't lose her again "no y/n please, I know you probably hate me and-"
"Hate you? Are you fucking kidding me. Theo I could never hate you even when I really should. And for that I hate myself, because you put me through hell, I didn't even recognise myself for a year, I still don't fully, because the day you left, you took part of me with you."
"Y/n-"
"Goodbye Theo."

And for the second time in two years I watched as she left. But I don't think I will survive it a second time.