Blue Spring

-Fallen Flower-

Unbeknown to me, the fallen flower I had received on my doorstep was what I had longed for, the prologue to my dawn and epilogue to dusk. 

Much of our lives is spent withering away like a fallen leaf, we spend away our days seeking for another not realizing what we have left behind, if you look at it life is not all a quagmire it's simple, it's simple to comprehend as the color of a rose, yet as humans we are chaotic being we need chaos to thrive so we create it for ourselves. 

We are the very cinema we pay to watch, we are the very art that leaves us withered, we are the very musicians who narrate our tales and yet we remain oblivious to it's wind. 

It's been 26 years since I've trapped myself in this life of pale walls, who trapped me? Nobody, I did. Why? Because I chose to be this way. Did anyone stop me? They tried but soon gave up. 

For the first time in my life, everything seems crystal clear, the words of a distant acquaintance, the reassurance of your own buried self, it's uncanny how straightforward I have become upon being with myself this past year. The delusions I had called problems vanished with the night, with the abomination I had become. 

The faded words of my mother still echo in my heart, now they have become voices within me "Satoru, no matter what kind of hell awaits you as the head of this family, you mustn't die with regrets." 

There's a Japanese saying "KISHI KAISEI" which translates to "wake up from death and return to life", this is what the spring cherry blossoms must be adopted to, each spring they return from their death and transform into a new life; renaissance of a new requiem. 

As I now stand behind my own misery, further than ever I wish to return, I wish to normality.

Perhaps I'm the one obstructing my own self, unwilling to be reborn. 

I stand on my own two feet for the first tie in 26 years, I walk with my bare feet echoing down the storm; my ignorance. 

Nothing will change unless I change, I thought. 

I walked towards the door, I had realized I still hadn't forgotten how to walk as I reached the opulent yet massive wall, I halted my movements for a second questioning what I should be doing instead, but I wanted to see how the world looks with cherry blossoms flowing with it, how time works with them in full bloom. 

And there it was the fallen flower outside my door waiting to be acknowledged, that it existed and it existed only for me. 

It was simple.