By The Moon's Blade

3. Grasshaven, About One Year Ago

It's been at least half an hour.

Grief swallows me in a savage wave. An undertow of feelings, emotions, and regrets pull me further and further under the surface. I fight to catch a breath and feel the familiar tickle of dread that pulls at my chest. But this tickle is tangled with more, like thorns and vines wrapped tightly around my heart as I fight to lift myself off of the ground and out of the grasp of her lifeless body.

I know I need to go. I know I need to find my father. I know I need to be of use. Maybe there's something a healer could do. My optimism is quickly dashed as I look again at the claw marks dug deep into her flesh. The acrid taste of bile rises up in my throat and I force down a gag.

I silently yell at the stars to stop shifting around in my vision and inhale the lingering crisp air into my lungs. A few breaths, in and out, slowly. My mother's light rose scent is still entangled in her beautiful locks of hair and drifts up with each breath. After a few moments, I find the world still and the tree branches only dancing with slight gusts of wind.

I still need to go. But, that gnarled heart in my chest keeps tugging at the lifeless body on the ground. I can't just... leave her here. The ravaged flesh is already enough to make the world spin around me, I don't want to imagine what will happen to the rest of her body if the beasts are allowed to feast.

This realization brings life into my limbs and feet. I'll carry her.

I keep the crystal out as I begin pulling at her arms, peeling her blood-soaked clothes away from the tree. I place my arms under her armpits, trying lift her up without making eye contact with the lifeless face in front of me. But, as I attempt to lift her up, I make it no further than her upper body before I slump her back down in defeat. A combination of our height difference and her dead weight make it impossible to sling her over my back, much less make it up the steep hill towards home.

I set her back down and watch the steam leave in curls from my mouth as I lean my head down onto her shoulder. I smell the sharp metallic bite of blood in my face and lift my face to the dark woods ahead.

I have no time left to lose. Every moment of inaction is just another moment that I leave myself and my mother's hollow body in danger. I grab her bag next to her and paw through it, looking for any source of light other than this dreadfully dim crystal. Luck is not on my side as my finger grazes piles of papers, books, and pens. I hang my head in defeat again and squeeze the crystal in my icy hand.

I pick up the bag and sling it around my shoulder and across my body, making sure to latch up the top to prevent the contents from spilling out onto the muddy forest floor. I grab the lantern and wipe the caked-on mud onto my coat before placing the lantern in the bag. I think about turning around, getting one last look at her in case we come back to scraps and ribbons of flesh. But, I already got my last look when she walked out that door. That face is no longer belongs to her.

I pull out my crystalline knife, hoping that its own faint glow can provide some additional help as I make the run back to Grasshaven. I'm able to cast a small radius around me with both crystals burning as brightly as possible. I begin my ascent up the steep hill, unfortunately unable to run at such a sharp incline. My legs fight against the slipping mud beneath my feet and I try to latch my feet onto any large vines.

Once I get to the top, my feet just begin running. I listen not to the sounds of snapping branches and growls in the forest around me, but to the last words that my mother ever said to me.

Tonight.

She said she'd be back tonight.

It's not fair.

Tears run down my cheeks in the same familiar rivers and my breathing becomes labored, a mix of sorrow and exhaustion.

I hope I'm going the right way.