By The Moon's Blade

1. Grasshaven, Two Weeks Ago

Sweat forms on my brow, trickling down the side of my face as my eyes tighten in concentration. Between the hunt and an attempt at mending my relationship with my father (unsuccessfully, I might add), I've spent every other day on honing my umbramancy or practicing various fighting techniques. Despite the lack of lunar energy feeding into my power, training is the only thing I feel like I can do.

But even with all of the power in the world and knowledge that I've gained, all I have been able to show for it is this measly blue flame, a mere essence of the power that I hope to control. And even if I can conjure it, even the slightest breeze will extinguish it. So I continue to concentrate, letting the blue flame flicker on the tips of my fingers. I attempt to grow the flame into something more than the size of a pebble when I realize I've been holding my breath and take in a large gasp of air. The break in concentration causes the flame to go out.

I sit down in the grass of the woods and take a sip out of my waterskin, my mother's waterskin. I have spent the past few months focusing on manipulating every element listed in that tomb. I've tried creating water out of the bits of moisture in the air. I've tried lifting a rock with only a gaze. But if I'm being honest, my flame conjurations have been my best ones. And if that poor excuse for a fire was my best attempt, Goddess help us all.

I feel the cool water rush down my throat and with my focus removed from my training, I suddenly feel the chill bite of winter settle onto my face, prickling my skin. I sit on the ground with my legs wide and knees up, my arms wrapped around them, anxiously fiddling with the leather edges of the waterskin. My thoughts scatter to the wind.

The threat of failure looms darkly on the horizon. I'll never be able to save anyone. I couldn't even save my mother. What makes me think that I'll be able to save an entire village? Or even two? And what will become of the Lunari when I fail?

In the past few months, I haven't seen a single Demonclaw, which makes me more anxious than anything. I don't know what they're planning, but their absence cannot be a good sign. I'd rather receive vague threats than nothing at all. As much time as I've spent training, they have to be doing the same hundreds of times over.

And then there's my father. I've tried to rebuild our relationship. Actually, that's probably not true, but he hasn't tried either. We spend our days with each other, but in mostly silence. He'll ask about my day, he'll share grunts and affirmations, and we'll go to sleep. He's stopped asking where I'm going. And honestly, I can't blame him for not wanting to talk to me.

At this point, I'm just desperate for something to go right. If I could just make a flame that lasts more than ten seconds or a ball of light that puts off more brightness than a dying lamp. I've thought about explaining all of this to my father. It's been a few months and keeping this a secret hurts, but every time I try to tell him... the words seem to get stuck in my throat, forming a solid lump.

He'll never understand, he probably can't even use magic. He never listened to your mother when she said it. And look where that got him.

So, I leave every afternoon, knowing that there's a part of him that will just never believe me. That this entire thing is some sort of delusion. I know that he would be concerned enough that he'd lock me in the house or put me under surveillance every time I step out the front door, just so I don't end up my like my mother. I can't have that, not when danger lurks in the darkest corners of the forest, and I have to be ready to fight.

I must be mad to be out in the Crimson Wilds, but it's the only place I know of that I can get a modicum of privacy. And the last thing I need is someone seeing the flames burst from my fingertips, causing ceaseless questions and concern. And maybe even exile. I don't know what kind of attention it would draw. So I come out here and the moment the sun begins to dip below the treeline, I exit as quickly as I can.