𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦 || 𝘭𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘦𝘯

return

tw for self harm!!

Dutch GP

Max Verstappen

Hell.

That's what this weekend is going to be.

Aside from our social media statements, Charles and I ignored the rest of the world the whole summer break. My dad insisted I go back to see him in the Netherlands before the race, but I said no. I need to take control of my own life at this point and I need to decide for myself when I'll see him.

He's not thrilled about that though.

And of course, it's my home race as the first one back.

The fans for the most part have been incredibly supportive, Charles has told me. He's a lot more active on social media than I am, and he says that Dutch and non-Dutch fans alike are still rooting for me this weekend. We expect the jeering and the booing and the swearing but it won't faze us since we know it's coming.

I'm frankly more nervous for Charles since he has to deal with Ferrari. Charles, who right now is fast asleep with his head on my lap even though it's only 19:00.

As for me, I'm just scrolling through photos from the summer break, which honestly was one of the best times of my life. Charles and I didn't leave each other's sides and barely even left his apartment. Most would say it's a lame way for an F1 driver to spend a break, but it was all we needed especially after the metric fuckton of drama that we dealt with in the first half of the season. Simplicity was truly a refreshing break.

But now? Now we're in Zandvoort, and our flight today was a wakeup call that we are, in fact, returning to the real world. For the first time ever, I'm not looking forward to being back in the car, which I never thought I would hear myself say.

My dad has been texting me nonstop, giving me shit for not seeing him as he had asked. I told him I had other business in Monaco, some team duties in Austria, and then by that time there was no time to see him beforehand. I didn't have a way of getting out of seeing him tomorrow night though, which I'm dreading. It's going to be hell.

I feel Charles start to stir and it's not long before his eyes flutter open. He's absolutely gorgeous, I don't know how I got so lucky, that out of anyone he chose me.

At least, even if everything else goes to hell, he will be here. 

And of course the same is true the other way around. I will always, always be there for him whenever he needs me. And frankly, I've always been there even when he doesn't need me. He can tell you that from our karting days.

It wasn't even a long flight but both of us are dead tired and I can't explain why. We were going to go to this nice restaurant that I know around here but it seems we're far more likely to just order room service, take a shower, and call it a night.

~

Media day. Usually the longest day of the race weekend, but today the time seems to be flying.

There is something incredibly gratifying about being able to walk down the paddock with Charles, hands interlocked. We're proud of being in a relationship with each other even if we didn't get to reveal it the right way, and we're not afraid to show it.

Most of the questions we received were about our relationship, and we had discussed every possible variation of any reasonable question so that we would give similar answers. The last thing we need is more rumors being spread just because I failed to communicate with my own boyfriend, especially considering our past.

The one thing I wish I didn't have to do today is see my father.

He's at a different hotel and there's no way in hell I'm telling him where I'm staying. The one thing that's providing any sort of consolation is that I know Charles will be waiting for me but still, who the fuck knows what is going to happen later.