Valerie
..the shackles around my heart, the afflications in my arms I scribbled the words on a paper watching the moon. The moon always seems peaceful as if nothing is wrong around it. But I wonder who would realise that being surrounded by millions of stars does not make it less lonely. I closed my eyes feeling the cool air hit my skin until I felt a tug on my sleeve. An unknown smile spread on my lips. I opened my eyes and saw Julius. I scooted down to his height.
"What happened love? Can't sleep?" I asked him with a slight smile. "Hm?"
"Uncle Noah is too loud." He said with a pout while rubbing his puffy eyes. I frowned my eyes at him at the mention of Noah. I don't remember Noah coming home today.
"Uncle Noah is here?" I asked Jul only to get a subtle nod in response. "How about you go back to sleep and I'll talk to uncle Noah hm?" Jul nodded his head again before kissing my cheek. "Good night mommy." "Good night love." I saw Jul retrieving back to his room. I sighed and gave the moon a last look.
I walked into the living room and saw Noah talking on phone with someone. "I don't remember inviting you, nor got the info of your stay tonight Mr. Chang." I asked him with a blank expression on my face while leaning on the doorframe with hands folded infront of my chest.
"Jiejie, I-" he tried to utter something right after seeing me. "Got kicked out." I finished his words cutting him off. He gave me an embarassed smile before he stared talking. "You got a call from school, didn't you?"
"It's third time this month Noah, why don't you just move out and find some affordable apartment." I said as I sat on a couch across from him. Noah has been the same ever since he got into highschool. He always gets into some sorta fights with his classmates. I partly can understand the situation because being a half chinese in an american school doesn't make it better for people to not comment on his race and bully him. I have been there before but getting into fights with them is a whole different thing.
"Can't even take your little brother in that you want him to find another apartment jiejie? Besides, mom cooks better enough to tempt me to stay there forever."
"Well, You still get kicked out." I said with a scoff. "Did you eat, by the way? Pasta?" I stood up at his nod. He followed me into the kitchen. It made me remember the times when he was just 8 and used to follow me around, the times when I used to put him to sleep while my parents were away for work.
"Well, how was your date last night?" his voice threw me out of my thoughts. "It was okay." I said plainly while pouring the pasta into the boiling water. No, it was horrible, I wish I could say that out loud. Mr. Casanova is a great man but it didn't felt right yesterday, I felt suffocated whenever he was doing the act of service. Yeah It was pathetic of me, I know.
"Aye aye jiejie there might be something else too. Come on, spill the beans." Noah's voice again rung my ears. I didn't respond to him instead I focused on the boiling pasta. "Your kids are growing up jiejie, they need a father." I shot him a cold stare before returning my eyes to the vessel. "I mean I heard mom and dad say that." I sighed hearing his words.
The words they need a father has always burrned something inside me. Something which is way stronger than I felt when I saw our house at Shanghai burning with my parents in it while I was at the lawn playing with my uncle. I wonder why they never screamed while the fire was eating them up. "What do you think Noah? Do I need a man to raise my kids?"
He cleared his throat and a bit of shock was evident on his face which clearly showed that he was not expecting the question at all. He went silent for a minute before I spoke up. "Men are trash, absolute trash. And my kids need a better parent, doesn't matter if it is mother or father. Besides I would be the man in my kids life if I need to be."
"Exactly, men are trash. But not all men and those not all men includes me in it." He said while munching down the pasta. A brief chuckle left my mouth as he said that. My foster parents were terrible, always made me work more part time jobs than I can and when Noah started growing up they wanted me to get away from their house and live on my own. I wouldn't say I have suffered so much as some typical female leads on fictional books or shows.
Because I have had my girls and I still do. They have been the biggest part of support in my life, more than anyone. I still wonder how they convinced their parents in moving out when we were just 17. It still fills my heart when I decided to adpot the twins cause the mother was just 16 and not in a position to take care of the kids and my girls always supported in everything I did. Thanks to Ker, that I got this apartment for a cheaper rate and thanks to Eve, that I got a stable job. I could never thank them enough.
"Can I stay here for few days jiejie?" His words brought me back to reality. I gave him slight nod. "Keep it low while you're here. Jul woke up earlier complaining that you were loud." Noah just grinned at my words and nodded later. "Good night jiejie, Love you too." Noah responded still grinning at me.
I smiled to myself as I checked on Jul and Lia's bedroom before stepping into mine and tried to drown into a deep slumber trying to rest my brain which is racing with mutiple thoughts.
The only recurring thought that's been on my mind was him. I should be getting over him. Because as much as sane I might appear to be, not moving on from a crush even after more than nine years sounds pathetic. Joe never felt distant while we were in highschool. He was a good friend. Even though he had everything, he was always down to earth. But right after highschool I never saw him. The prom after high school was the last time I saw him. Also the day I finally wanted to let my feelings for him to go away.
I sighed heavily again. I don't remember how many times I sighed today. Maybe someday I'll be able to sleep peacefully, just like my teen days.
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It's my first time publishing my work. English is not my first language so please be kind enough to correct me. Thank you for reading <3 Stay hydrated! Love you guys.
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