THE BANDS WITH ME // nikki sixx - mötley crüe

US festival 2

MAY 29th, 1983
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We're backstage at the festival, and my anxiety is back up through the roof. The coke wore off pretty quick when I realized—Doc lied. It was not 30,000 people. It was 375,000.

Holy shit.

We go on in 5 minutes and I'm currently in the corner acting like I'm not about to totally tweak out.

Everybody was walking by and getting ready, until Tommy passed me. "T!" I yelled, "Yeah?" He turned and walked over to me. "You scared?" He smiled. "A little. Give me a bump." I asked. It made my anxiety go away last time, so why not this time?

"Oh yeah, dude." He laughed and then took a little baggie out of his waistband. He put a line of the box next to me and I snorted it.

The same thing happened as before, a long with my anxiety going away. I don't know if my anxiety was actually going away, I was just too high to notice.

"You ready now?" He grinned as I nodded and picked up my guitar.

"You guys are on in 2! Get ready!" Some stage rat yelled as me and Tommy walked to the side of the stage where the rest of the band stood.

"You ready, kid?" Mick asked me, knowing how scared I was earlier. "Yeah, totally! What's first again? Take Me To The Top?" I smiled, lightly bouncing up and down on my toes. "Yeah." Nikki said as he put his hand on my shoulder and gently pushed down to get me to stop bouncing.

"Sorry." I chuckled as I peered out to the crowd to see them getting sprayed with water as the blonde announcer walked onto the stage.

"We're just about ready to continue with the rock and roll! But first, I gotta ask you to please move back! Please! Everybody just take one step backwards and that way, everybody will be able to enjoy the rock and roll all day today! So please, if you can, move back!" She spoke into the mic. She said more shit along the lines of that, but she just kept going even after the crowd had already moved.

"God, will she get to the point?" I groaned, picking at the strings of my guitar. Vince chuckled as he fixed his hair.

"And just shortly, LA's own Mötley Crüe will be out here to rock and roll you!" She announced as the crowd cheered.

I felt a hand on my back and turned around to see Doc and Doug. "Alright, it's your time to go on. Remember, don't fuck up. And if you do, you're screwed! That's 375,000 people out there waiting for you guys! So, do what you do best- not drugs, and fucking play your music!" Doc chanted.

"Thanks a lot, Doc." Nikki rolled his eyes. "Just- go!" Doc groaned and smacked him on the back to start us walking out.

We walked onto the stage as the crowd made a lot of noise, they didn't even know us—they were just excited.

I put my arms up in a cheering motion as I got into my position.

Vince started saying words that I wasn't really listening to, I was just waiting to hear Tommy's drums. When I did, my head was empty and I just started playing off of muscle memory. Don't think about it, that's what I told myself. Don't think about messing up, don't think about your anxiety, don't think about the crowd not liking you. Just fucking do it.

I kept that as my attitude the entire show and it appeared to be working, I was doing what I do best—thee best.

And suddenly, our time was over. The crowd was chanting the word 'Crüe!' Over and over again.

We said our goodbyes to the crowd and made our way backstage again where we were greeted by Doc.

"Fucking awesome! You guys know that I don't always speak highly of you, but, fuck! Everyone of those people are going to be buying your albums!" Doc cheered when we saw him.

Doug nodded in agreement to what Doc was saying, and gave us all a thumbs up like we were children.

"Thanks." I smiled as my tech took my guitar off me. What have I come to? I could take my own guitar off for god sake, but whatever.

"So, where's the party?" Tommy grinned, sniffing out the nearest drugs and alcohol.

"It's 3pm, Lee." Doug frowned at Tommy, knowing that he went a little too far sometimes.

"Well, in the wise words of Jimmy Buffett, it's 5 o'clock somewhere!" Tommy grinned as he patted Doug on the shoulder and walked past him—all after spotting the table with lines, drinks, and pills.

I started to follow Tommy to the table until I felt a hand on my shoulder. I looked back and saw Mick. "Y/N, can you promise me something?"

I furrowed my eyebrows, wondering why Mick was stopping me and speaking quietly. "Well, it depends on what the promise is...what is it?" I responded, anxious for his reply.

"Can you promise me to not do anymore coke? I know that you've already done it twice today and you know how fast that shit can grab you." Mick worried, with a genuine expression on his face.

"Come on, Mick. You know me, and I know you. Since when do you care about what we do?" I laughed, confused on his sudden concern and openness.

"Y/N, I know you're laughing, but I'm not. You can see what Tommy, Nikki, and Vince are doing. Do they seem sane to you? And don't even try and say yes. Nikki summoned a literal demon—with you in the room. Sane people don't do that, and you know what made him insane? Cocaine. And I know I'm not one to speak on sobriety, i mean- this is a glass of vodka, but...I worry about you, kid. You're 20 years old. You've got your whole life ahead of you. Don't waste it away for useless fun that will only fuck you up in the long run." He confessed, quickly hugged me—didn't even wait for me to hug back, and walked away from me.

I know Mick is strange, but that was bizarre. I stood there dumbfounded for a second. Maybe it was because I was slightly concerned for him, maybe the vodka was really starting to get to him, maybe it was because it almost felt like fatherly love,

Or maybe it was because he saw myself becoming my parents.

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