Impossible

Chapter 1

When I was 17 I was in a tragic accident, I was on a school trip when the bus overturned and I got ejected from the window, I had multiple injuries but I'm not gonna bore you with the details. Anyways, the most serious one was the irreversible damage to my spinal cord. You see when you hurt your spine enough to cause a scar on your cord you can end up in a wheelchair, well... sadly that was my case.
I am 22 know and I have been in a wheelchair for five years, as you can imagine my life is truly miserable, I do the same thing everyday, I wake up then I wait for my mom to get home from work cause as you probably guessed I cannot do most things by myself, I need constant help with almost everything, dressing up, bathing myself and I specially need help doing number 2 (if you know what I mean), after my mom helps me getting into my wheelchair I go to the bathroom and do my skincare.
I usually take a lot of time doing it since is like a therapy for me, I'm afraid of growing old cause I've missed so much in life that I try to stay as young as possible, then I go to have lunch with my family. I try to move a little bit my legs after lunch so I don't get cloths, cause yeah another wonderful thing about not moving is that you're in constant risk of getting thrombosis (cloths in your legs), then I rewatch my comfort shows (the walking dead, breaking bad, gossip girl, suits, shadow hunters, outlander, etc), I rarely watch new shows cause I don't know how they would end so at least rewatching the ones I've seen gives me a sense of control over what I'm watching and that shit certainly gives me peace...kinda. After that I gotta go to my bed at 17:00 PM usually cause I need to do something that is called "urinary catheterization", which basically means inserting a tube (a small one obviously) in your urethra so you can pee properly without risking your kidneys, I'm not gonna bore you with the specifics but the general idea is if you don't pee on time your urine can go back to your kidneys and you'll be fucked lol, after that I usually play sims or read romance novels always wishing I can be the main character, only to be reminded by the disappointment of what reality is once I close the book.
Before my accident I had a best friend, let's call her Devlin, she was very popular and very beautiful, very tiny too, like 149 cm, she had a very toned body even when she didn't do any exercise. She had cinnamony skin, gorgeous amber eyes with long luscious lashes and beautiful full lips.
She always reminded me of Jennifer Aniston, anyways devlin was gorgeous and she was very funny and friendly too. I loved her so much, she was the best friend I always wished I had. I still dream of her, just being friends with her and going to the mall together, I miss her so much. When I had my accident, she never came visit me in the hospital, she only went a few times, I always wanted to see her but she had a pretty busy life with her boyfriend, friends, family, social media and when we had the accident (she was next to me) she injured her hand pretty badly, luckily she recovered her mobility but I don't know to what extent since I lost contact with her years ago...
We stopped talking cause we had a foolish discussion that I don't remember about, I only remember that we both were at fault and I was willing to apologize but she never thought she was in the wrong and I'm not gonna beg for friendship even if I'm as lonely as a polar bear.
Thing is I am in fact worse than a polar bear, I'm completely lonely except for my family and my animals. I live with my parents, my sister, 2 dogs and 6 cats. We officially have 3 cars but my cat Charlie (the orange one obviously) is waaay too friendly with other cats and has a messiah's complex so he has the need to save other cats. I used to have 2 cats before the accident but when I got back they got angry at me for not being home in so long (I was 7 months hospitalized) so they went to my sister, sadly one of them died, her name was Rose. She was beautiful.
Anyways, I bought a wiener dog cause I desperately needed company but as she grew older she attached more to my mother so she always sleeps with her and goes more to her than me. But I can't blame her, my mother is such a wonderful woman that anyone would want to spend time with her.
My sister has 34 and she still lives with us, she's had her issues but I can see that her life is going perfectly and exactly as it was destined. I wish she has everything she wants, she certainly deserves it.
And my father... mmmh well I always had a difficult relationship with him, he's a very hard person to deal, understand and love. Sadly I never could connect emotionally with him so I'm very detached to my father. I do care about him but not in the same ways as with my mother and sister. For example if something happens to him (I wish it doesn't of course) I would be very worried but I wouldn't be crying in every corner.
I only have 1 friend but sadly she wouldn't hang out with me if it was up to her, she's the daughter of my mother's friend so basically she's my friend by association lol. I really like her and I love spending time with her but she rather go with her real friends and I absolutely don't blame her, I'm not so fun sadly.
When I just had the accident I always had the conviction that I would be okay again, that I would walk and I would be finally happy but in June of 2023 all my dreams went to shit...
I heard about a clinical trial that inserts an electrode right below the injury and sends electrical signals to every part of what's inactive after the injury, with that you could walk and regain other functions such as peeing and shitting, basically you could be a decent human being. You'll still have a certain degree of disability but it wouldn't be as bad as I am now...
Anyways I applied to the clinical trial a thousand times and never got a call or anything so my mother decided to take the matter into her own hands, she decided to go to Switzerland to see if I could be a candidate for the trial. You gotta think that my mom traveled 12.119 kilometers without knowing any English, having a middle class salary and being completely alone. She is as brave as a Viking and of course she deserves the world.
Well, she went there and talked to the secretary, he said that I'm a good candidate and that he will save my medical history for when the next calling for the trial was ready, obviously that never happened cause the dude got fired or resigned or something like that. He basically fucked me by doing that lol.
My mom went on December of 2022 and the secretary said that the next calling was in 6 months to a year, I was manifesting the shit out of that as you could guess but of course it didn't happened in June, so ever since then I've been completely hopeless that I could ever have a happy life.