"I don't want to lose you... please? I just see someone in you and I hate it."
What do you do when your life and love is on the line? Which one would you sacrifice? What would you pick and why?
I don't want to forget him, I really don't, but I can't remember anything about him. His face, his voice, his touch, his smile, his love, so why does he remind me of him everytime I see him?
I hate him.
"Chenle are you sure you didn't do anything? Everything you do seems to annoy him and he's complained multiple times about how he hates you and your guts..."
Here we go again, this topic. I really don't know, why does he hate me? I'm just living my life.. Everytime I talk or make eye contact with Jisung he gives me a glare like he wants to kill me, and then he goes and complains to Haechab and Mark.. Great way to victimize yourself, Jisung.
"Donghuck, look, I really don't know, I did nothing wrong..? But it seems like everytime I approach him he looks like he hates me or looks like he's disgusted by me just living.."
Is he? Does Jisung hate me?
I thought about all the times he's pushed me, threatened me, and even cursed at me. As those memories filled my mind I found myself breaking down. Tears started to heavily flow down my face leaving me feeling empty.
"What?! No, he doesn't hate you, Chenle! Maybe he just needs some time to come around, don't think about it too much, okay?" Haechan said as he engulfed me into a hug.
We were still standing by our lockers in the hallway gaining attention and worried looks from other students.
"Hey, is Chenle okay? He's been off lately.."
"Chenle is crying again..."
"I feel bad for him.."
And just as I thought it couldn't get worse the person who I was crying over walked right pass me, sparing a glance and walking away.
I did it. I made Jisung hate me.
Haechan noticed him and immediately ran after the walking Jisung, I'm guessing he's trying to convince Jisung to apologize, but he won't do it.
He never does.
Instead he chooses the time he has with me to degrade me about how I made his life worse. Every, single, time. Does he think I don't already know how much he hates me?
I want to tell him how he's mean, evil, and disgusting for his attitude towards people, but I can't
I want to tell him how much he made me hate myself and my life, but I can't.
I want to tell him how much I love hi- how much I despise him, but I can't.
I want to tell him I hate his guts, but I can't.
I want to tell him to love me, but I can't.
I want to tell him I hate him , but I can't.
What's wrong with me?
As I walked to the bathroom to get myself back together I could feel my heart tightening at the thought of Jisung hurting because of me even knowing I did nothing to him.
I looked at myself in the mirror and noticed my red-stained cheeks with dried up tears. Is ruining my life really worth it for someone who doesn't care neither love me? Why do I care about him? All he's did was hurt me and complain about how he hates my existence. What did he do for me to not blame him for my hurt? He never loved me so why do I love him?
