Imagine Dragons Fanfic

Dan

Tears. I'm way too familiar with them. Too familiar with the feeling of not wanting anything anymore. Of wanting anything but to live. Of wanting to not exist. I don't know if it's the same as dying. Dying's too scary. Yes, I admit it, I'm a scaredy cat. But I'm just scared. I don't know if there's heaven. I don't know if there's hell. I don't know anything. I don't know what it would feel like. I try not to think about dying too much. I know I live for too much. What would the fans think? My band? My family? If after all that I said, all the lives I saved with my music and 'speeches', I ended up killing myself? I don't want to think about it. I don't. But I can't stop my thoughts. I just can't. There's that need, that desperate want, to just not feel anything. And I feel so goddamn guiltily because of that. I have everything I need! I have the best band I could ever have, with the best and most talented members, I have the best girlfriend I could want, I have loads of fans. But yet I just can't seem to find peace. I just want to die. I've got so freaking much to be happy about. SO MUCH. And yet here I am whining like a baby. I don't know what I did to deserve to live. Because living is not a blessing - it's a curse. If nobody would live then everything would be okay because I wouldn't be sad. I wish I could go back in time and not share my songs. Take the fame away. Then nobody would care. I wouldn't have to hold on. Or at least do my best to hold on. I could just kill myself. I clench my teeth. I don't want to sob, I don't want to sob! I do my best to keep it back. I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm such a crybaby. Some days I'm fine. Even some weeks. And then some weeks I'm low. I can't help it. It's random. Winters are worst. It's just everything about winter I guess. It fires my depression up. And I hate my depression, because who doesn't?! The sob comes up. I can't keep it in. Here I am, crying. Most people would dream of being in the position I am. Frontman of one of the most famous bands on earth. And hear I am, crying, ungrateful as shit. I've had my highs, and when I have, my highs are high. Really high. But my lows are even lower. I feel like I've been on top of the world before and I've been buried alive at other times. Sometimes I feel like a walking skeleton. But sometimes I feel like the happiest person on earth. I was completely lost in thought so I flinch when my phone beeps. I look over at it. It's gmail. Wayne. Probably a guitar riff. Being in the state of mind I am, I know writing's probably the most reasonable thing to do now. So I do decide to check it. Plugging my headphones in, I check the email. Just as I thought, it has an mp3 recording. I listen to it. Like most of the time, it's a great one, and I quickly have some lyrics in mind. Luckily, it sounds moody and sad, which is useful for me since it would be hard to write some upbeat lyrics right now. I quickly start recording. I can spend hours just singing, often redoing and editing my voice in Ableton.

Three hours later
I barely hear the knock on the door. Quickly taking my headphones off, I walk over to see who it is, in hopes that it's Ben, Wayne or Platz. When I open the door I see all my bandmates standing together. Ben and Wayne are arguing about dinner. Platz is the one who says,
"Hey Dan how're you doing?"
"Great." I lie, making my voice sound enthusiastic, "How're you guys? It's been a while." Plats grins and then says,
"Yes, it's been like, twenty four hours. Just wanted to come together again to talk about the album. Apparently fans already somehow know some of the songs' titles I have absolutely no idea how, maybe they have secret insider spies on us."
I raise my eyebrows,
"Oh, do they?" I ask. Meanwhile Ben and Wayne stopped arguing, and now Wayne speaks
"Yes, social media's full of it." Then he adds, "Dan, I think you should be aware that Ben's drunk." I look over at Ben and he snaps, clearly drunk just by the way he snapped,
"I'm not drunk! Who do you think you are?" He nearly hits Wayne who quickly jumps to me and says with a grin,
"Told ya." I look at Ben, a bit amused, chuckling to myself. It's so weird how Ben drinks very rarely but when he does he gets extremely drunk,
"I can see that." I say with a smile. I really missed my band. They're so understand and caring and yet funny. I like them a lot. I'm not gay, but I must admit I spend even more time with these guys than anyone else I ever knew. I guess that's because we're in a band and tour together, but really we also have a strong bond from all the days we were broke together, all the times we were sad together, all the times we laughed together, all the times we grieved together. There's something magical about being together with someone through all your highs and all your lows. Though Aja used to be my number one, I found I've grown fonder and fonder with the guys. It's a different kind of love, a different kind of passion, but it's still there. Attracted isn't the right word for the guys. Inspired is closer. They are all so talented...
"Da-a-an???" Wayne says, grinning teasingly but friendlily, "You zoned out there a little, didn't you? Are you tired?" I blush a bit, embarrassed, but admit,
"Yeah, actually, I am a bit tired." It's true. Other than being tired of live, I'm just genuinely exhausted. And hungry. "Do you guys wanna eat something?" I offer and Ben screams,
"YES!" I grin at him and go to the fridge, quickly getting out some vegan milk and cereal. I prepare a mean bowl of cereal, one for each of us. We all sit down at my table and eat, mostly in silence. My suicidal thoughts are mostly gone. With the guys here, everything will be alright.

———————————
Sorry for the short chapter.
Im just getting back into writing and I don't wanna push myself hard cause then I'll not like writing.