Outcasts | 5 Slytherins 1 Hermione | REVERSE HAREM

II

Fuck them. He is despicable, they both are. Why did she ever think that would go well? And she was such a coward, letting him touch her, letting the wound-up side of her want whatever he was going to do. Was she really this stupid?

Hermione returns to her dorm, angrily swiping away her tears. Why was she crying? Embarrassment maybe? She wasn't even sure. Perhaps she was just overwhelmed by the situation. She wasn't a runner, but she wasn't going to let them see her break down.

Nobody deserved to see that side of her. She didn't deserve to feel this way; she hadn't let herself cry much since the end of the war. It was as if her tear ducts had dried up or just tired out. What was once sadness had shifted to pure anger. It was easier to be angry, to hate, rather than accept what is. Her rage burned like wildfire, consuming everything in its path and leaving behind only ashes of frustration and resentment.

There were consequences, though. Most of her friendships had dwindled. Only a few of her friends had been willing to deal with this new Hermione, the ones who understood just how messed up everything got before they won. Is this what winning feels like? Hermione sighed, she was done fighting in wars if that was the case.

It seemed she lost the most—she lost her parents, her family. She understands she's not the only one who lost family, but it's not as if they died. They are very much alive, but they are upset about her taking their memories, and they've completely cut her out of their lives. It doesn't help that the memory restoration was a very painful process. Logically, she knows they just need time, but right now is when she needs them the most, and they've abandoned her. After everything she did for them, now, she has no one.

She lays down in her bed, contemplating everything. She went to one session with a mind healer when they had just come back to Hogwarts when everyone was on edge. McGonagall was requiring everyone to go to sessions. Hermione was able to get out of it, but in her one session, the mind healer told her that ' time heals all wounds .'

She huffs at the memory—what a cop-out.

Time, what an annoying concept. Sometimes she wonders what the point truly is. She once had so much to live for, and now? She wasn't so sure. She still loved all the same things—learning more about magic, magical creatures, freeing elves. But life was starting to feel less and less meaningful the more she tried. Especially now, she wanted to make the world a better place, but how could she do that when she felt like she was only becoming worse?

~*~

She's done a pretty great job at completely avoiding Riddle and Draco for the past week. It's Saturday once again, and she's sitting across from Luna and Neville at the Three Broomsticks, sipping a butterbeer, attempting to nurture the friendships she has left.

She feels like she has a constant fever, not that the alcohol helps, but if she lets herself get tipsy, the urges either subside a little or get worse. At this point, she'll try anything to stop thinking about her encounter with Draco and Riddle in the hall. She's thought about it non-stop and late at night found herself letting her hands wander below at the thought of it. She figured it was a good distraction to escape; the interaction felt comical now.

What was it about the whole thing that turned her on? This pissed her off as well as amused her. What was worse was that Riddle nor Draco had looked at her once since, which aggravated her even more. She couldn't help but wonder how controlling Riddle was and the lengths he'd go to exude that control. She could see a glimmer of it in his eyes. It terrified her but also intrigued her. It reminded her of another Riddle, the one Harry showed her in the Pensieve. Their likeness made her skin crawl.

She took another sip of her butterbeer, listening as Luna and Neville discussed their plans to meet with Luna's father the next day. Neville was clearly nervous about officially meeting Luna's father as her boyfriend. Hermione found it grossly normal, and she hated them for it. She knew it was wrong to feel that way, that it was so good they were able to find something happy in the aftermath of everything they've been through. The truth was she wished she could find that. But maybe the golden trio got the worst of it, and they were destined to be fucked up for the rest of their lives. Time will tell.