Boris and the Vampire (Legends of Pinewood 2)

It's Far, Far Away

"There's been a mistake with our lodging and I need to speak with the fey immediately."

I marched through the woods, and was already quite a distance away from the treehouse. I didn't need to worry about Etienne sneaking out here, so I made sure the vampire couldn't hear me while airing my frustrations on the phone to Ivana.

"What do you mean?" Ivana asked. "What's wrong with the treehouse?"

"Well, nothing's wrong with it. The house is lovely and the fey are generous for allowing us to stay there," I said. "But there's been a mixup. The fey realise Etienne and I aren't actually lovers, do they?"

Ivana was quiet for a moment. "I don't quite follow?"

She was going to make me spell it out. I rolled my eyes up to the sky. "One bed, Ivana. There's only one bed. And the place looks like you're supposed to spend your honeymoon there."

"Oh." Ivana went silent again. "That does sound like a mistake. Let me check with the lord of the spring court what's going on."

Ivana ended the call while she presumably went to the lord of spring to ask what was going on. I waited with my arms crossed, staring at the trees. I swore the branches were laughing at me, which was all too possible in the fey woods—nature tended to be more alive here.

"Oh, don't look at me like that," I snapped at a particularly large oak, feeling like a fool the moment I did.

At least I didn't need to wait long for Ivana to call me back.

"And?" I answered the phone. "Was it a mistake?"

"Well..." Ivana cleared her throat. "As it turns out, no, it isn't."

"What?! You explained to them that this isn't an actual romantic holiday the vampire and I are taking?"

"I told them, yes. But they didn't agree."

"What?" I repeated. "That's not something they can agree on or not. It's just not!"

"Normally I'd say you're right. But that's not how it works in the fey woods."

I let out an exasperated sigh. The fey had a tendency to be... quirky. I usually found it charming, but it definitely wasn't now.

"Then, pray tell, how does it work in the fey woods?" I asked. "You're not telling me we're supposed to duel for the bed and the loser has to sleep on the floor the rest of our stay? There wasn't exactly a couch either in the treehouse."

"No," Ivana started slowly, "I'm merely saying it's not a mistake. According to the fey, the woods judge you the moment you step inside."

I gave my phone an incredulous stare, even if Ivana couldn't see it. "You've got to be kidding me. And it 'judged' that we needed this treehouse?"

"And they have decided to appoint this lodging to you and Etienne, yes," Ivana confirmed. "Boris, are you sure you're not being affected by this vampire?"

"He's not been as terrible as I first assumed he would be. But 'affected' is a big word," I defended myself. "I know where my loyalties lie, and I know the vampire is a threat. No matter what the fey or the trees think."

I glared at the trees for good measure.

"Well, alright," Ivana said, and I hated the hint of doubt in her voice. "I'll ask them to change your lodgings, but don't count on it happening tonight."

I sighed. "No matter. I can just shapeshift and sleep outside, I suppose. Or make sure the rug in this treehouse also starts smelling like wet dog. The vampire loves that."