Chapter 11 : A man can wish

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If I give now, would everything be better?

If I give now, would everything be better?

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My mind wandered in the same place for the last six days since we arrived. The place far from here, the place I slowly build trust and love, it's all temporary, I realize.

It's been months since Dylan took me in, that day I resolved to call them my parents even though I knew I shouldn't, and then suddenly the feeling got buried or maybe transformed into something I wouldn't recognize anymore along with them. It's got me thinking if what happened was caused by my decision to call them my parents.  Or a punishment for not calling them my parents.

The campmate would try to have some conversations and try to persuade me to go outside to get some fresh air. I would admit the sweat smell in the tent became unbearable. The smell of unwashed clothes, the dry and humid weather don't help the insulated tent, and the air in here smells fetid and unavoidably musty. The weather here was always inconsistent, one day it was all raining and others just like today were heating ground as if trying to grill people all over.

The dark blue ground and grey material tent make the day and night unrecognizable. I can't feel the air from the outside if not for Blythe who let the air in before he left, making the smell less unbearable, I have no idea what he has been doing for the past six days, he would always never miss breakfast, lunch, and dinner, even if I would refuse, he would find other ways making me finish all the food he brought in. Even though it was cooped in the tent, whenever Blythe opened the curtain, I had to make a small conversation with people here and then for a few hours before I closed them back from the weight of their eyes and the weight of something I don't know which they unknowingly laid on my shoulders without my consent.

The girl from Bread Truck back then would come and finish her work with me, give me company, and expose me to how the outside works. She was working in the kitchen now after she heard how they lacked staff who could contribute to feeding hundreds of people here. She also volunteered to work the same work she had in Laketown residence, in a greenhouse except, as she described, I imagined it was an open space with a lot of seeds aisle and an open field to work on. She would make me peel the potatoes, and work on peeling anchovies sometimes. But, I am glad, for a moment, Dylan's death and Sarah's body disappeared from my mind.

Sometimes a few guards would come and greet me when the tent's curtain opened they asked the same thing, “May I ask for your name, sir?.” And start a conversation until I would ask them if they could leave me alone, and that's a man, who was the first man I met as we reached here was someone who I couldn't get rid of, he kept insisting on coming again and again, I mean always come and spend his time here, not I can complain. I can't because, every time I see him I remember his name, and his name, Michael is the same name as the guy, younger than me, a sweet man with an innocent look and blonde hair with freckles on his cheek. The man who I had to kill even though he was already dead, not even the funeral he got, even if he died. Even if they died, Sarah, Dylan, Michael, and all Lake Town residents got infected.

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