YEONGYU ONESHOTS

I Know What You'll Say, But It Helps To Hear You Say It Anyway

There's an inexplainable tenderness to Yeonjun's touches that Beomgyu cannot fathom. It's not something you can point at and stare in the face. It's subtle, almost goes unnoticed, and it's almost apologetic in a sense. It's in the way Yeonjun clings onto the back of his shirt, and the way he rubs the fabric in between the pads of his fingers. It's in the way Yeonjun rests his chin on his shoulder and inhales in soft hurried whiffs - you smell so warm, Beomie. Somehow it makes sense when Yeonjun says it like that, all gentle and certain that someone could smell... warm.

It's in the way the coldness of his hands lingers on Beomgyu's nape when he's fastening his necklace for him, or when he's putting the younger's lower helix hoop in. It's in the way his hands find purchase on every sharp corner before Beomgyu can bump into them, baby, careful. It's in the way he sleeps with his body tucked tight, sideways fetal position and all, instead of grabbing the duvet back from the younger when Beomgyu hogs it in his sleep.

"Hyung, why don't we just sleep with separate comforters?" Beomgyu had suggested one day. Yeonjun had clutched his chest, eyes widening to their farthest extent, so you're saying you want to break up? so the younger never brought it up again.

Every other day, the touches feel less apprehensive - like when Yeonjun grabs his wrist, and pulls Beomgyu into his space, too sure that the younger prefers being this close. Sometimes, Beomgyu swears he can see every freckle on his face, "Hyung, there's a heart-shaped one below your left eye." Or when Yeonjun slides a hand into the back pocket of Beomgyu's jeans, grip uninvasive but unyielding. There's barely anything to grab, he knows, but the touch weirdly grounds him and make him feel less anxious, so Beomgyu lets him do it in situations where they can afford to be discreet.

And sometimes it exceeds touches. and dips into being almost spiritual - like when Beomgyu asks too many questions about his lyrics, and Yeonjun bashfully admits, "I write about you all the time." Beomgyu knows he does, in fact, everyone does. But to know is one thing, and to hear about it from Yeonjun himself is completely different. It's exhilarating to be seen so thoroughly, and known so well, albeit it being humiliating at the same time.

But there was a time when Yeonjun couldn't hold his gaze, and his grip faltered like crumbling gravel. A time when he could only fasten his hands on Beomgyu's bag straps and couldn't ask to carry it for him in words. Beneath the bravado of extraversion and easy conversations is Yeonjun who has to wipe the sweat off of his palms when Beomgyu is in immediate vicinity. A time when he'd wake up an hour early, luggage ready and packed a day ago, skipping two steps a time just to be able to walk next to Beomgyu - who then would be half asleep and talking out of his mind. Yeonjun's favourite memories are made like that, with Beomgyu unable to differentiate between his dreams and reality - asking Yeonjun to hold his bags, asking to lean on his shoulder, asking to just be taken care of; things that Beomgyu functioning on a hundred percent consciousness would rather die than do.

There was a time when Beomgyu would find discarded scraps of paper in Yeonjun's bin - numerous numbers and wink faces and 'call me's. Beomgyu, two years ago, simply concluded they were for Yeonjun. So, thoughtlessly, he'd just clear it out along with the rest of the boys' and dump it outside. But one Sunday evening with Yeonjun on the doorway, straight out of the shower, and Beomgyu in his room, clearing out his bin and gathering scraps of paper off of the floor and into a disposal bag, had witnessed a pivotal moment in their relationship. Hyung why are some of them addressed to me, hyung what do you mean they're all for me, hyung stop saying "I can explain" and actually explain it to me! Everything else fell into place after that - Yeonjun was no longer allowed to accept any paper slips at music shows for the boy who was now his boyfriend.

"You do know what you did was kind of stupid, right?" Beomgyu had asked him over dinner. Yeonjun had groaned in retaliation, "In my defense, I thought the cleaner clears out my trash. I didn't expect you to be snooping around in there."