you'd be home by now.
it's eating me inside. i am not deserving of the things i get. i wish to have unsaid some things i've said and undid some things i've done. i don't know what it is like to not have deep emotions. even when i feel nothing, i feel it completely. when my soul bleeds, i cry. i feel like most of my days were just pathetic excuses for living life. i have not achieved anything in particular, yet i lost so many things that were dear to me.
you'd be home by now.
why do i have to feel it all at once, the feeling of you disappearing on me, the feeling of knowing i have to move on, but deep inside knowing it is not for the better. i wonder what i look like in your eyes. do i also have the sparkling shimmery little light in my eyes and do i also have the soulless cold hands that are looking for a warm and honest hold of someone who wouldn't let go? or is it just an illusion? is it all an illusion of the love i thought we could have?
you'd be home by now.
now i am starting to realize that my everyday fights and constant wars i have with my head are all useless. i might aswell take the truth and look forward for my newest mistakes. or i could just let go of it completely.
i guess that
you'd be home by now...
