The Super Mario Bros Movie: 2

The Very Depressing And Extreme Tragedy That Made Mario ANGRY!!

Mario's brother, Luigi walked into the room. "Ey,  brother!" he said, "You're not kissing the mirror and pretending it's Peach again, are you?" 

Mario stepped away from the foggy mirror. ".........NO........ why do you ask......?" 

Luigi jumped and hit the door frame, and Mario had to revive him. "It's a - me! Luigi!" Luigi said, gaining his power back. 

"NO YOU'RE NOT!" Mario yelled, slapping him across the face, making Luigi forget his name for the 50,000,000,0th time. Once on his feet, Mario had to hold his brother on the ground to prevent him from jumping. 

"Mario! THERE'S! A! WHOLE! BUNCH! OF! KOOPAS! NEARBY,! AND! YOU! CAN. BRING. PEACH.!!"

Mario felt the whole world collapse around him. Peach? His future waifu? THIS. WAS. UNREAL.

"HeY, cAn I cOmE t0o?" said Toad in his funky accent, walking into the room yet again without permission with his groovy Bob Ross wig and assorted accessories.

"Sure." Luigi said, knocking out the living  mushroom, and threw him in a sack.

Mario just ran out of the room, all thoughts of his DRAMATIC TRAUMA  and other very sad hero stuff evacuated his mind. 

PEACH..................... PRINCESS PEACH........................................................................................................................

"P-P-Peach!!" Mario stuttered, blushing fiercely as he saw his crush. "Y-y-you came!"

PRINCESS Peach flipped her hair dramatically, her long red nails flashing in the rising sun that beautifully hit all her features and made her eyes light up anime style and gave Mario nosebleed. "Yeah, yeah. Let's get going so I can do all the work and you can simp over me." she said, her super - duper - slaylike heels clicking behind her.

Mario dashed after her, lovestruck. Toad waddled around, getting a not - so - gentle punch to the face every time he brought up the RaDiCaL 80s. However, when Mario looked behind him, he found Luigi looking equally flustered.  Don't steal my babe..... Luigi..... mario thought broodily.

TIMESKIP TO ONE WEEK LATER........

Soon, they were already there. 

"Wow, we're already here!" Luigi said, beaming.

Just then, multiple koopas sprang from the ground, but these ones were different...... they were glowing purple............

Suddenly, the koopas lasered their way through Luigi. 

"AUR NAUR!!!!" Mario screeched, tears slipping down his face in a very depressing core way.

Then the koopas killed Peach. 

"NAURRRRRRRRRR" came groovy Toad's voice. 

"SHUDDUP, YOU KNOW YOU HAVE DADDY ISSUES!" Mario screamed, drop - kicking him.

Then he cried. And brooded. And cried some more. And the koopas didn't kill him because they had to be cliche. 

And then. Mario became. ANGRY. 

He stood up. 

"From now on, my name will be awesome, cool, and super slay." he said. "My name is................

"Mawawrio..........................................................................................."

P.S: None of the jokes are meant to offend anyone,  in fact the "daddy issues" joke actually resonates with me because I also have father problems!!!!