Cold heart (SIMON GHOST RILEY x FEM!READER)

35.

He stared at me with a shocked expression, and I don't blame him one bit. After all, I just said I'd rather have a cold-hearted Lieutenant who is more than broken at the moment than 'Daddy' Price.

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Y/N

!!TRIGGER WARNING!! - Mentions of suicide, racism, and self-harm.

After finally yelling at Price about him being such an asshole, I felt.. Oddly calm, but still extremely concerend about Ghost. After all, a broken jaw and so many wounds and shit.. It must hurt like hell, if not even more than Satan's burning flames and his pitchfork stabbing you to your second death and infinate suffering, if that is what actually happens in hell.

Don't ask me, I'm not a Christian, so like.. Please, I have no idea what's real and not nowadays. 

The days turned into weeks, and weeks turned into months.. Now, Ghost's jaw was completely healed with an easy recovery, thankfully. I was with him through it all, and through the heeling time, he needed an IV as well as a feeding tube because he wasn't allowed to use his mouth and jaw as much for obvious reasons.

A lot has happened.. A lot more than expected. When his jaw was completely healed, he slightly started to ignore me, which made me feel confused and actived something I hadn't done for months; overthinking.

Questions wandered through my head, making the room spin and making me feel a shit ton of dizziness as well as nausea. Why has he started ignoring me after all of this? After I stayed with him through thick and thin?

'He doesn't like you, Y/N', 'he only used you for his own benefit', 'he will never care for you', 'it was all pretend, you know better', 'why are you always blind?'. These sort of voices haunted my mind day and night, all the time. It was tiring. Really tiring.

I've already lost a friend of mine recently due to suicide. She was a really nice person, but she had grown depressed when she was just a tween. I've known her all my life.

I loved helping her style her afro hair, which used to be an insecurity of hers until she learned to love it, and she was always called racial slurs, all because of her skin color. I still remember how beautiful her dark brown skin looked and shone in the sunlight when we hung out at the beach, and how she managed to make her makeup look flawless.

In my eyes, she was perfect in every way. I even used to have a crush on her, but I never told her. She was my Aalyiah, my beautiful Aalyiah, but depression took a toll on her so she started to make lines on her arms, then her thighs.. I saw the signs, but she always denied that she wasn't feeling okay.

Memories of it wandered in my mind, how I helped her clean the cuts while small bubbles and dots formed on the clean, straight cuts. The memory hurt a lot, the way she cried in my arms, all because some sterotypical white, homophobic, and racist dude had said he'll shoot her if she enters his store again, so I took care of it for her..

That made me feel so mad at whoever that old dude was, so I threatened him by saying that I will hunt him down if he shoots my friend. My best friend; my sister; my other fucking half.

Her and I might've not looked similar, but I saw her as my sister, she was an absolute queen in my eyes. Ghost ignoring me made me feel even worse, especially when I had just lost Aalyiah, she was my everything..

I miss her.

I really, really miss her.