And They Told Me I Couldn't Act

TAKE 29

HARRY DOESN'T TALK about that kiss. After all, what's there to talk about? He's gotten so good at it after all, all the pretending all the acting, he even makes me believe it too. 

And that's the gist of acting, connecting to your character, bringing them to life so much so it feels like they're a real person. 

So why, even with all this knowledge, it's me that's feeling far more confused. It's me that's staring at him in reflections, trying to pierce together something. 

It took us three days of post-production to pick out the perfect footages, and there were a lot. While we worked on this together, articles of us entering his studio, driving around together grace the media. I never see the paparazzi so I presume it's internal. From Charles and his PR team. After all who are these insiders with fascinating stories I haven't even heard about myself? 

I loved reading them but the comments were more interesting, some of them adored me, the wave of independent talented women, others are angry, why was I directing a Harry Wolfe music video? 

Harry Wolfe, Blink twice if you need help!

Was the top comment of an article. 

And finally as the video project comes to an end, we reach the day of his first single release party. 

Priscilla and I went and got our hair makeup, and nails done and we picked out an outfit from Gucci for the occasion. I got a snake-themed dress that was classy in the front but scandalous in the back. Paired off with snakeskin boots and I looked ready to grace the best-dressed list.

Or at least that's what we thought.

I touch my lips.

I was a little bit drunk, or very drunk that night. I know it was bad thanks to the throbbing headache the next morning, but that still didn't explain why I kept touching my lips or replaying the kiss.

I'm not an idiot, hell, I work as an actress, I know what he did was for the show so why is it that alone in my room I fantasise about the kiss? Was I deluding myself to say it was private? Just because I didn't see anyone watching? His team was there, models, camera crew, lighting crew, producers, of course, they're curious. You can't wait for a camera to be on you to kiss each other after all.

I know it's fake.

So why, am I constantly thinking about it?

"Hey Vanessa, how are you holding up?" Priscilla's question breaks the raser-like silence in my head. I glance at her, her hair was done up in a lovely neat bun, and her glasses were purple with matching bright purple lipstick.

"You always ask me this," I point out looking out of the window of her car. The back of her car was all settled with our purchases. We're heading to my space to prepare for Harry's single launch party.

Her newly manicured nails clip on the wheel as she waits for the light. "Because I care about you, and I am worried about your arrangement."

My arrangement. I touch my lips.

"Did -"

"We kissed," I admit. "And it was a nice kiss."

Her eyebrows raised high, her mouth frowning, "Vanessa."

"I know it's pretend," I say quickly, "It wasn't like it was in private or anything. I'm just saying that it was a nice kiss."

"Did he do anything different?" Priscilla asks.

"No," I say after a pause, "not that I can recall." But it's a lie. Everything about the kiss felt different, his lips didn't feel tense, in fact - may I be so bold to say it - they felt eager. It could be the Gin Tonic talking but I don't think so. Or maybe I'm being delusional and clinging to a fantasy. I groan.