Stacy Hunter -BMW

Ch. 39: Paper Flowers

I end up at a park I used to take Shawn too when we were younger. Kids play with their parents or siblings, all laughing and happy. I sit in my car, watching as they all have a fun time just being kids. Most of the time this was the only place I felt like a kid myself, playing on the swings or jungle gym with my little brother that was barely old enough to remember most of the time.

A few dads push their kids on swings or going down the slides with their kids. Thoughts of what ifs fill my mind, clouding any other thought from my day. That is all that fills my head, imaginary scenarios that could never happen now.

What if my dad never left? What if he was like these dads? What if he actually cared? What if Verna did? Or Clara? What if she never dropped me off? Or if Jack was around?

A trail I used to walk with Shawn when I was in sixth grade catches my eye. He used to complain about walking, but by the end he'd be relaxed and forget about our troubles at home. There's a bridge on the trail where ducks like to pass under. We'd bring birdseed that the crazy parrot crackhead would give us every time we'd walk by his trailer and toss it over the edge of the stone.

Letting out a deep breath, I grab my purse and keys before hopping out and locking the doors. I sigh as I smile towards a passing mom with an upset toddler in her arms. She manages a smile back, both of us more than likely giving away how we really feel. The tension in my brow is probably my biggest give away, hers being the tired bags under her eyes and the worried lines on her forehead.

Once she's past me, I face forward with my previously stressed face. Memories flash as I pass park benches and light post that Shawn and I used to see all the time. I used to sit on the bench to my left and read to him when he would actually sit still. His tongue got stuck on the light pole to my right one winter when it was below freezing and snowed.

We came to the park to go sledding and he thought it'd be funny. That is, until it became stuck and I had to help him get unstuck. It was actually the first year we came back to Philly after a year or two. It was near Christmas Eve and dad and Verna were off doing whatever the hell they wanted while Shawn and I were left alone.

Continuing down the path, I see the fence post where we carved our initials with a pocketknife I lifted off our passed out father. It had been getting bad when we walked to school or when I went to work so I needed the protection. It was the year before I left with Vivian.

I smile as I walk over, bending as I read over the letters again and again. My fingers reach out to run over the grooves where worn wood is missing. Shawn wanted to do it but let me once we got done arguing about it for a solid ten minutes. He wanted both of our initials there; first, middle, and last.

S.C.H...Stacy Clara Hunter

S.P.H...Shawn Patrick Hunter

Laughter sound from up ahead on the path, making my smile widen. A little boy rushes past me with a slightly older girl chasing after him. They look almost identical, the main difference being the height and color of hair. The sister has lighter hair and a slightly lighter skin tone compared to her brother. An angry look graces her features, a vast difference compared to her smiling brother.

"Daniel! I'm gonna get you back!"

"Gotta catch me first, Tiana!"

I laugh, watching them rush past like Shawn and I have done countless times. My smile slowly fades as I see a tired looking woman following them. Despite the bags and slow pace compared to the two kids, the happiness radiating off of her couldn't be missed. Thoughts of my moms and dad make my anger return.

Standing up straight, I let a deep sigh leave me before continuing towards the bridge. Birds chirp as the fly overhead, landing in the blooming trees above the vibrant flower bushes and green grass.