Tulips for Daniel

"You and I, we, will be best friends forever."

Words are always imprinted in the minds of people. Every emotion with which they are shared, every expression is delivered, kept, and left to be remembered for the future as memories. Words hold extreme power to make you or to break you. They can bring a smile on your face, which will reach your ears and hurt your cheeks, or they can make you sob so your eyes will turn red and nose starts running.

When Daniel said those words to me, I had experienced the former, my face had lit up, and I was practically jumping all around the room. We had interlocked our pinkie fingers together and signed the bond with a verbal, "Promise."

At the age of eight, I learned that promises were meant to be broken. When promises break, however small they might seem or how less of an effect they have on people, they still hold the power to change people. It broke my heart when I lost Daniel, at eight, he was my best friend and he still is. He meant so much to me back then, and he means so much to me right now. Losing him changed me, changed my nature, changed the way I interacted with other people around me, and scared my parents. They were worried for me, but what could they do, when I was not ready to move on from his loss.

Now, 10 years later, I am still trying, or I just like to think that I am trying and I am not trying hard enough, I have no idea. All I know is, I lost my friend and I haven't been the same since. I want to be the same, but it is not easy, my mind and my heart are both against the decision of moving on.

Throughout these 10 years, I have had encounters with various kinds of people. Some of them were close enough to me, so I could mention Daniel. However, none of them were understanding enough to see through me and consider my feelings. I have got multiple responses like- "Why are you still living in the past? Life goes on, accept it." or "You have to move on. This is what Daniel would have wanted." If none of them knew Daniel, how would they know what he wanted?

Tomorrow is 14th March, Daniel's birthday. Every year on his birthday, I visit his grave and keep a white tulip along with a handwritten letter.

"Mumma, I want that dinosaur," Daniel pointed towards a dinosaur in a store and held his mother's hand, pulling her towards the store.

Our parents had brought us along to a fair so we could have some fun and play a few games. The very first ride we chose was the kid's train. They had built an artificial railway track which went over a body of water. It was amusing and I wanted to touch the water while I was in the train but Daniel was against it.

"Aarya, what do you want?" my mother asked bending, on my level and placed her hand on my head.

"I want a doctor set."

My mother smiled, held my hand and took me along to search the doctor's set.

When we came back, Daniel and his mother were eating cotton candy. Daniel stood beside me and lifted the dinosaur with both his hands and placed it in front of his face.

"Urh, Roarrr!" he screamed and moved the dinosaur sideways.

I laughed.

He put his hands down and looked at the doctor set in my hands. A huge smile formed on his face.

"Wow, you got a doctors set, now if my dinosaur gets hurt, you will take care of him."

I opened my eyes and turned to my side, most of my dreams have Daniel playing the main character. It makes my heart heavy but I don't want that to stop.

I sit straight, my legs dangling off the bed. I pull a black box out and pull it on time, placing it beside me. I open the box and bring out the dinosaur which had a white bandage on his leg. I run my fingers over the toy and the dream hits me all over again. I remember how I had acquired it. It was after Daniel had gone. I had gone back to his house to get a few things and there, was this dinosaur, red paint spilled on his tiny arms. I had brought it home and bandaged it, something Daniel had wanted me to do. I keep the figure inside and place the box back in its original position. With a sigh, I move out of bed and freshen up for the day.