Welcome To My Life

Chapter 1

Intro
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I feel like the song that best represents me is Welcome to My Life by Simple Plan. Though I know that there are people who know how I feel there is a part of me that feels like that is not true. I feel alone if I am not spoken to for a while and I ignore this feeling, I don't even try to start a conversation because I feel that they don't want to talk. I am constantly stuck in my own thoughts, I do a lot of thinking some of it is good a lot is not so good. I am used to loneliness because secretly I know I purposely exclude myself I mean I want to talk to people and laugh but part of me believes they will talk over me and look at me weird so what is even the point? I feel like crying a lot but I forgot how. It hurts but I feel like my pain isn't significant enough I feel like others have it worse because I know they do. I just don't want people to feel bad for me or feel worried so I don't usually say anything, until now.
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So when I lived in New York I had it pretty good. I had a friend, a loving family, a couple cats. Little did I know my friend had a tendency to lie, even to me she told little lies and I believed her right to my face she told lies to me. I was in about second to third grade when I discovered that I had ADD I talked to a therapist who was this nice man he had puzzles and I almost put together a hundred piece spiderman puzzle and my mom and him said I was smart because I always separated the pieces into edges and middle pieces. Well I talked to him about my friend too, and he said that she was a "compulsive lier" and I know even though I am far away from her that she still lies. Well I got over that and we were friends again I told her she needed to stop lying and we worked on it and I thought she had stopped. Going way back farther before I found out my best friend was a compulsive lier my sister she tried to follow my dad to work and she got picked up by a woman living across the street who hated my family and then called child services my mom woke up and she said "Meghan, Meghan where is your sister, where is Hailey?!" she was freaking out and I didn't know where she was we looked everywhere and we then got a knock on the door. Well my house wasn't that tidy and so my sister and I got sent away and we talked to a "nice" woman who asked us how our parents treated us. We were sent to live with another family for a while with kids all teenagers they were mean they bullied me and my sister and I once accidentally broke one of their skateboards and they yelled at me until I cried. They were also Catholic so they went to church every Sunday. I wasn't raised religious so I didn't want to go but I had to. I was scared of the church and I never wanted to go again. I understood nothing of religion every word they spoke was like a blur in my brain. The horrible children figured out I was afraid of spiders and bugs and so they placed a spider on me and watched me scream they put spiders on the swing I used to swing on and made me cry until my face was red and my head hurt. So naturally I blamed my sister, if she hadn't run away we wouldn't have been in that mess so I became mad at her and soon we started hating eachother. Years later life was getting better we had a kitty named Spooky and my momma was gonna have another baby which she found out was a girl and cried about so I was next to her and I said "Don't cry momma she won't be like Hailey or I, I'll make sure she is good." and that made my mom smile and say "I am not worried she will turn out like you, I just wanted a boy that's all." The baby was born and she was and still is adorable (she is just slightly annoying now) years later we got another cat also I discovered COD I played it with this young friend of mine she also taught me how to ride a bike because I used to have one but it got stolen same with my scooter. She taught me how to play COD and I loved it though at first the first person shooter thing scared me but I got used to it I also enjoyed dead ops arcade which she taught me how to play and always beat me in. Back to the other cat well we lost Spooky for a bit and when we got him back we had a cat that people lied to us and said that they found our cat but we took him anyway because he needed a home, him and Spooky got along but we had to give him away and Spooky as I saw it was lonely so my friend's cat had kittens my mom told me I could have one and we picked "the gray one"
(who is right now sleeping on my bed and is five years old) we had to wait for her and when we got her we let her sniff around the house and decided names, we finally decided on Isolde but I kept forgetting how to pronounce it so we started calling her Izzy I love her she is an amazing cat and for a while my only friend. You see Izzy has anxiety like me and so I love her that much more because we have a lot in common. She's an outcast too and I trained her I talked to her when I had no one else to talk to she is smart and I always feel like she understands. Then we had to move, two years after we got Izzy I believe.