Welcome To My Life

Chapter 3

The next year, middle school pretty scary for me now I wasn't afraid of the big kids or the teachers I was afraid of being lost and left alone. Left out but I excluded myself basically. The first day I couldn't open my locker but I didn't ask for help because I was embarrassed to. I went to class and I saw some people I knew and sat with them. We said what we did over the summer I said went to New York with my grandparents pretty much the same thing I did every summer for a while. Now that first class is where I met an amazing person she is really super cool and I love her to bits I hope we never get separated. So we got assigned seats and I sat at the back of the room with her (this was after a while of me being a total outcast in that class belonging pretty much nowhere and never talking) we talked I don't remember what we talked about exactly but whatever we said made us friends I do remember vividly singing like she would start singing a song and then I would know it and start singing. I will tell you right now I don't typically sing in front of people, not even my parents. Well she told me that I just had to meet her other friends (who I already met and I knew their names and I always looked up to them and saw them as like the best people ever but I didn't talk much cause I thought they didn't like me and thought I was annoying because I had next to no social skills) well we already met but I didn't talk much to them, I helped them in robotics with math or something and I just remember being extremely happy because I felt accepted. So I became friends with them and we talked a lot and sang parodies of spongebob songs. This was also actually the year boys took notice of me and they were so obvious I mean to me after years of being a quiet observationalist I learned how to tell. Next year which is most recent we became the Fab Four we have a private facebook group and it is a year old I do a lot of the art and technical stuff. School started and we had fun I realized I hadn't fully gotten to know one if my friends and we talked more now we get along extremely well and I feel like I can connect with her a lot and I feel she has a better understanding of my feelings. Well for a while for what seems like absolutely no reason I was sad I stopped eating I talked less I don't even know why there was nothing to make me sad and I knew it but I couldn't be happy it wasn't simple. My friends could make me smile for a bit but it always faded away. Youtube was a good way to keep me happy for longer Markiplier and Jacksepticeye. They made me laugh and smile for a while I started saying their catchphrases and binge watching their videos and I was happy but still it would not stop the ever engulfing abyss of sadness and darkness that reminded me of what it felt like to hurt. As an added bonus that I keep forgetting to mention my parents told me they were splitting up they are going through the process but I know that't not what is making me sad, it's not what eats me up from the inside. I found something well someone who numbs the pain he makes me happy and I know he is a lot like me he hurts too and the thing is I ignore my pain to tend to his wounds even if it causes me grief. When I talk to him I feel whole I know he tends to get into bad mental states but I never leave him alone I won't turn and walk away because that isn't what I would want for myself. I just sometimes want to hold on to him and whisper into his ear how much I love him and talk with him about hopes and dreams. He may be far away but I always feel close to him. I can't stop thinking about him and I hope that I never stop because thoughts of him keep me from thinking bad thoughts.