Suicide is not a thought that pops in my mind as much anymore. It's been weeks since the urge to cut over powered me. I go to sleep at night thinking will tonight be the night things go to hell? Will tonight be me greeting death? Will they forgive me for breaking my promise if tonight I fail again? My therapist might soon ask me if I want to keep seeing her or if I want to stop for a while and see how it goes. I'm not sure what I will say. I my darkness wants me to say that I'll be fine without her. My light side wants me to keep seeing her just in case; but the part that is caught in between wishes I never asked for a therapist in the first place and wanted me to fight everything on my own. My darkness whispers to me "You're weak! If you were strong you wouldn't need a therapist; but because you're weak you need someone else to sort your problems out because your so weak and scared of what they mean!! You know what they mean!!! You're not normal!!! You belong in an mental institution!!" Then once I am brought to tears the darkness leaves me alone to either die or cut. My light comes to me and make me feel better. "Darling you're better then this. You got a therapist because you're strong enough to face your problems. You aren't normal, no one is that's what makes us human." Then the middle comes out with no clue on what to say besides "Why do you care what they say? They're probably lying to you anyways like everyone else has one doing!" Death may make things clearer to me or might confuse me more. I can't take that risk because of everyone around me. Most of them will be pissed off but some will be depressed. Then the strangers will feel pity for those in pain. I don't want people to be unhappy. It's my job to keep people happy even if I'm crying or dying. I need to keep everyone else happy. Till I die. Even then I need to keep people happy! Keep Everyone Happy!!! Keep Everyone Happy!!! Keep Everyone Happy!!! Keep Everyone Happy!!! Happy!! Happy!! Happy!! Happy!!......even if I'm not
