Red- James Potter

91"

Camilla hadn't cried.

She hadn't processed.

It hadn't hit her yet.

Camilla just had a look of pure blankness on her face as Professor Mcgonagall escorted her back to her dorm room.

They had told her to get some sleep, but how could she possibly get any sleep?

James was pacing the dorm when she returned, an anxious and somewhat angry look on his face, irritated that Camilla had to go alone. He wanted to be there for her, whatever it was.

He jumped towards Camilla and the professor as they entered the dorm.

"Cam!" he exclaimed, "what's wrong? What is it?"

Camilla just looked at him with blank eyes and James was unable to pinpoint what was swimming in them.

She just shook her head, disappearing silently into her bedroom and locking the door behind her.

Camilla nestled down under her sheets and she could hear the mumbling of James and Professor Mcgonagall voices on the other side of the door.

Moody had said it had taken five of them to take them down.

Five against two.

It was hardly fair.

No justice in it.

In the end, it was Antonin Dolohov that finished the job.

Camilla stared at the ceiling, following the curved pattern in the stone above her with her eyes.

She wondered which one went first.

Did the other watch their other half slowly fade?

Did the other give up in that moment? Because it would be no life without the other twin.

How did they go? was it instant? Did it hurt?

Did they die slowly and painfully?

It was a haunting thought.

She wondered if it hurt. She had seen her brothers take plenty of hits from bludgers and even saw Gideon fall off the roof of the house at one point during their childhood. Never once did she see them cry in pain.

Did their eyes fill with tears in those last moment?

Though in a weird way, she thought it was fitting. Fabian and Gideon as grey old men didn't really settle with her properly. They were so full of life and energy that she couldn't imagine them in an old, tiring, weary body. They had fought to the end, as always, and died 'as hero's' according to Moody. It was typical Fabian and Gideon.

Closing her eyes tightly, propelling herself into darkness, she could see their faces.

The memory of bug hunting in their back garden sprung to mind. Camilla was five, Fabian and Gideon in their teenage years. Fabian was giving her a piggy back ride and Gideon was holding an empty jam jar filled with moss and sticks. They had flipped over a log and collected a few wood lice, putting them into the Jam jar to observe and later release. Camilla had found it all every exciting, just looking at insects, and her brothers laughed at her fondly for it.

She didn't quite know why that memory had popped into her head. It was nothing of such gravity. But she supposed that was how she remembered them. They were her older brothers and they were just having fun under the hot sun of the july day.

As she imagined their pale faces, littered with brown freckles, their blue eyes shining with mischief. Camilla was always jealous of their eyes. The sky blue looked beautiful against the fiery red of their hair.

Just picturing their faces, she let grief finally take her.

It had hit her suddenly and at force. Sobbing into her pillow she was unable to stop her body from jolting from her cries.

Camilla hated crying.

Hated it.

She felt stupid, so stupid crying.

But she couldn't help it.

Her brothers were actually gone, murdered.

Camilla's tears were choking her. Preventing her from breathing and she hiccuped to catch some breath. Her nose had bunged up making it ever harder to breathe and she sat up to try and unclog them, placing her red and tear stained face in her face and her shoulders bounced from the aggressive sobs now falling from her lips.

She knew James could hear her and was surprised he had not tried to enter. McGongall must have warned him not to.

Camilla loved James, an unbelievable amount. But in that moment, she was glad he had left her to herself.

Glad to be alone to let it all out, to finally succumb to the horrible crushing grief.

Oh how they all deserved a horrible painful death. They had caused so much of it, the death eaters. They deserved to be murdered. Not her brothers who were the most gentle souls she ever had the pleasure of interacting with.

Professor McGonagall had told her she was excused from lessons. NEWT's were only a month away, but she couldn't hack the thought of the pitying stares from her classmates. She couldn't imagine the faces of the Slytherins. Merlin she could choke them with her own hands. They weren't to blame, not really, they didn't kill Fabian and Gideon; but they may as well have. They supported them and stood for the same things, and for that, Camilla hated them. All of them.

Professor Dumbledore had suggested she take some time away from Hogwarts and stay home for a few days with her family, but Camilla couldn't face it. Being home with all the memories, the halls haunted by their joyousness. She wouldn't be able to do it. Never mind the suffocation she would feel from her parent's heavy grief. Camilla would rather avoid it all together.

James had stripped his bed of his bed sheets and pillows and set up camp outside Camilla's door, waiting for if she needed him. He was able to hear her agonising sobs from behind the door and it made his heart constrict so tightly all he wanted to do was blast down the door and comfort her. But James knew Camilla well enough to know she just wanted to be alone. Her sobs had stopped and James had guessed she had cast a silencing charm. Camilla was never one to like to display her emotions, but James didn't care. He'd be there for her no matter what, through everything. He settled down into the duvet on the floor outside her room and just simply hoped she would let him in.

————————————-
A/N

wattpad, sort urself out and let me upload my pics