One Last Time

CHAPTER 26 ALEX

"Go away." I yelled as I heard a knock on the door.
There was a paused before I heard another knock.
"It's me." A gentle voice spoke. Avery.
I rushed to the door and quickly opened it.
"Sorry," I muttered, running a hand through my hair.
"You were right. I need somewhere to sleep. Could I sleep on your couch?" She asked looking down.
"No." I said flatly.
"Oh. I guess I'll go then." She started to the door.
"No I mean you're not sleeping on the couch. You take the bed, I'll go on the couch." I called.
"Oh, no, it's okay, take your bed." She said quickly.
"No." I said firmly, leaving no room for debate.
"Well, thanks." She said, hesitating for a second before putting some of her things on my bed.
I nodded and went quickly in the bathroom.
This is bad. Really bad. I can't even be in the same room as her anymore.
I take a long shower to try to get my mind off things but it's useless. When I get out of the shower I see that Avery is already asleep. She looks so much more calm, more peaceful when she's sleeping. And suddenly it's hard to breathe. She's beautiful.
'Alex' my mind warned.
I can't stay here. I leave, careful to shut the door quietly so I don't wake her.
I take a couple deep breaths. The fresh air helps and calms me down a bit. I close my eyes for a minute before a voice startles me.
"Alex?"
It's not her. I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing. It's good. It's good. I can't keep doing this.
"Yeah?" I try to keep my voice steady and nonchalant as I avoid Elena's eyes.
"Are you okay?"
I look at her finally, and see real concern in her eyes. I wonder why she cares.
"Yeah I'm fine." I reply curtly and walk away.
Why does everyone want to talk to me all of a sudden? Why does everyone care? Why can't they just leave me alone? It was better before.
I think of Avery and regret treating her best friend the way I did. I turn back to apologise or I don't even know, but she's gone.
I let out a frustrated sigh. Sometimes I just wish I could be normal. Sometimes I wish I could have friends. I wish I could be happy. I wish people would like me. Or that I wouldn't push them away. Why am I like this? I don't have to be. When I was younger I wasn't.
'When I was younger I was weak' I think.
'No, you were happy.' A voice in my head urges.
I shut it all out.
Great. I'm not even in control of my own mind. Why am I such a freak?
I wish I could be more like her. But even she hates me. She hates me but she still wants me. I wonder why. I wonder what little thing she could ever possibly see in me, that's worth it. Maybe there's nothing. Maybe she's just attracted to toxic things. That sounds more probable.
I walk a little into the forest, until I find my spot. The place that I would always go and hide. The place that I would camp out whenever I ran away from home. The place where I could think. Me and my mom's place. There's a bench, a small blanket and pillow in a box. Some mouldy food and dead flowers. A book. It's nothing much. But it's mine. I know I won't be able to go back to my place tonight. It's not that Avery would be upset. In fact, she'd probably be more upset that I'm spending the night out here, it's just I can't stand being close to her and pretending that I hate her. Pretending that not every part of me wants to console her, and stare at her, take her in my arms. Kiss her.
I take out the book, and try to distract myself. Doesn't work much. I eventually find myself drifting to sleep, and her face is the first thing I see. It's not so bad...