Until my last breath

9

Funeral ,eulogy

My dear Mother,

As I stand here reading this letter, my heart is heavy with the weight of your absence. It's been 3 days since you left us, and not a moment goes by that I don't think of you. Your presence lingers in every corner of my surroundings, in every cherished memory we shared, in every lesson you taught me with such patience and love.
I already miss your comforting embrace, your soothing voice, your laughter that filled my heart with joy. I miss the way you would look at me with understanding in your eyes, as if you could see right through to my soul. Your wisdom was a guiding light in my darkest moments, your love a beacon of hope in times of despair.
I wish I could tell you how much you mean to me, how your absence has left a void that can never be filled. I wish I could hold you one more time, hear your voice once again, see your smile light up the room. But I take solace in knowing that your love lives on in me, in every act of kindness, every word of encouragement, every moment of strength.
Mom, you were my rock, my confidante, my best friend. You showed me what it means to love unconditionally, to forgive endlessly, to live fully. Your legacy of love and grace is a testament to the beautiful soul you were, and I am forever grateful for the gift of having you as my mother.
I find myself reminiscing about the times you would share your love for horses and music with me, your eyes lighting up with passion and joy. Your spirit seemed to soar whenever you spoke of these things, and I could see the true happiness they brought you. Your connection to these beautiful creatures and melodies was a reflection of the depth and beauty of your soul.
Though you are no longer here with us, your spirit remains alive in my heart, guiding me, comforting me, and reminding me of the precious moments we shared. I carry your love with me always, like a flame that will never be extinguished, illuminating my path in moments of darkness.
It pains me deeply to remember how cancer took you away from us, robbing us of your presence and leaving a void in our lives that can never be filled. Your strength and resilience throughout your battle were awe-inspiring, a testament to your unwavering spirit and love for life. Even in your darkest moments, your humor shone through, bringing lightness to our hearts and laughter to our souls.
One of the many things I admired about you mumi, was your ability to understand me without a single word spoken. Your intuition, your empathy, your profound connection to my thoughts and feelings were like a comforting embrace, a silent reassurance that I was never alone in this world. You had a way of seeing beyond the surface, delving into the depths of my being with such grace and compassion.
Your humor was a gift that brought warmth to every room you entered. Your quick wit, your infectious laughter, your playful banter - they all illuminated our lives with joy and lightheartedness. You had a way of turning even the most somber moments into opportunities for laughter, reminding us to find humor in the midst of sorrow.
Your absence is a wound that will never fully heal, an ache that lingers in the depths of my soul.
As much as it pains me being away from you like this, I can't help but smile at the thought of you reuniting with papa. I still feel a little left out though, i wish i can come and we can watch a match together. Or go to brunch like we used to every Sunday but i know there's so much for me to do which I'll dedicate all to you.
I miss you more than words can convey, but I carry your memory in my heart like a cherished melody, a reminder of the love we shared and the bond we will always hold.
I promise you to live to my full potential and to keep you proud and to take good care of Daisy who will also miss you deeply.

Can't wait to meet again, know that you are deeply loved and profoundly missed.
And until my last breath, I love you more than words can express.

With all my love,
Your daughter, your Riri.

With a heavy heart, I step back from the podium, barely able to breathe under the weight of the grief pressing down on me. My hands are shaking, my legs feel like they might give out any second. Before I can collapse under the pain, I feel Charles and Arthur on either side of me, their arms wrapping around me like a lifeline. I lean into them, my head falling against Charles's shoulder, my body trembling. The comfort they offer feels fleeting, like a small barrier between me and the endless ache inside.

The room is thick with sorrow, a palpable weight in the air. The low murmurs of the crowd blur into white noise. All I can hear is the pounding of my heart, the sound of my sobs strangled in my throat. I want to scream, to shout at the world for how cruel it's been to me—taking my dad, my uncle, and now my mom. All the people I needed most are gone, ripped away from me, and I feel so unbearably alone.

I try to move, but my legs are like lead, every step toward the graveside heavier than the last. My mind is spinning, exhaustion clinging to me, dragging me down. It's not just the lack of sleep, it's the loss—the constant, crushing loss. I'm so tired of being strong, of pretending that I can handle all this grief when inside I'm unraveling. Every breath is a struggle, every moment a reminder that she's not here. Neither is Papa. Nor Uncle Jules. They're all gone, and I'm left in the middle of this unbearable silence.

As we gather around the grave, I can feel the tears streaming down my face, hot and unrelenting. I try to hold it in, but I'm failing. The rawness of it all—the funeral, the loss, the finality of saying goodbye—tears me apart. The ground feels unsteady beneath me as they lower her into the earth, the finality of it hitting me with a force I'm not prepared for.

This is it. She's really gone.

I want to scream that it isn't fair. That it's too much. That I can't take this anymore. But I can't find the words. I can barely breathe.

I stare at the casket, my heart shattering into pieces so small I wonder how I'm still standing. I clutch at the memories of her, of Papa, of Uncle Jules, holding onto them for dear life as the grief threatens to swallow me whole. I feel broken, shattered, like a part of me is being buried with her.

The world feels too big, too empty without them.