Pagkakataon

Kabanata 1: Gusto Kita

"I like you."

Ken looked down. And there was a deafening silence.

Justin's just a few steps away from Ken. He wanted to look away and walk away, but his body was not cooperating at all. Gusto na niyang lamunin siya ng lupa. Nasabi na niya ang nais niyang sabihin bago pa pumasok ang hiya at kaba sa sistema niya.

I should not have said anything. Justin told himself, feeling a bit of regret for confessing to Ken.

"Thank you, Justin." Ken said without even looking at him. Ken paused for a while before hitting Justin with the final blow. "But I'm sorry."

Hearing Ken's last sentence crushed Justin's heart even if he knew this scenario could happen.

Ouch. Ang sakit naman.

But even if he was hurting, Justin made sure he looked okay. He forced a smile even if he looked awkward. And then he forced a chuckle to cover the awkwardness of his smile.

"You don't have to be sorry, Ken. And I understand." He paused as he tried to calm himself so as not to cry in front of the man who just rejected him. "I just wanted you to know. Yun lang. On my part, it's something that I have been wanting to get off my chest. I had some regrets not being able to tell how I feel back in high school." Tumingala sa Justin sa kalangitan. Kitang-kita niya ang mga talang nagniningning at ang bilog na buwan - mga saksi sa kabiguan niya sa gabing iyon. "Another chance got presented to me," he paused to stop his tears from running down his cheeks, "and so I just grabbed the opportunity to tell you."

Binalik ni Justin ang tingin kay Ken, na noon ay nakatingin na sa kanya. Justin can clearly see in Ken's eyes how sorry he is for what he said. This further crushed Justin. If there is one thing he doesn't want from anyone, it's pity.

Justin smiled. Ken smiled, too, but it was a faint one.

"I think I have to go." Justin told Ken.

"Aren't you joining us?" Tanong ni Ken. "The program will start in a few minutes."

For someone who just rejected me, he looks too worried. Justin thought to himself.

Umiling si Justin. "I've done enough socialising, Ken. Ubos na ang energy ko. I have to go. Bye." Tumalikod na agad si Justin at dali-daling naglakad papalayo kay Ken.

"Justin!" Ken called him. "Will you be alright?"

Justin did not stop walking. He just raised a thumb up in the air to assure Ken he is alright.

But he is not, of course.

Justin first saw Ken fifteen years ago. It was the first day of their first year in high school. Justin would be lying if he says he doesn't believe in love at first sight because the moment his eyes lay on Ken, he's in love. He couldn't get Ken's face out of his mind. He was so into him that Ken became the reason he studied hard. For Justin, becoming a top student is the only way for Ken to know his name. With his looks and personality, not to mention the fact that he was just new in town, Justin knew back then that it was his only shot. So he studied harder and harder each day. He ended up being one of the top students, awarded medals during graduation, and well respected by his classmates. But was he able to achieve his goal? Maybe no, maybe yes. No, because he did not end up with Ken. Yes, because even if they did not have any contact after graduation, he remembered him. And that actually gave Justin the courage to finally confess after all these years.