Feelings ;; Nuzi (In English)

Empty; Foreword

Nothing.

Nothing was the only thing Uzi felt, or at least she believed that she felt absolutely nothing, no emotion or feeling, she believed that she couldn't feel anything. Since the death of her mother, her life was never happy again, her whole world changed, she fell apart, she was destroyed.

Uzi had lived with that feeling for as long as she could remember. Her mother died at the hands of a killer drone, she could barely remember her face, her voice, her warmth. Happy memories of her were fading more and more.

Uzi was one of the most happy little peoples who walked through the neighborhood, her parents took her by the hands and talked with her, everyone was colorful and so bright that she couldn't think of anything other than having fun with her parents, unfortunately that joy didn't last for too long

One night she was resting calmly, until she heard the door of her house close and followed by her father's sobs. As soon as she heard these, she ran outside her room to find a scene that left her scarred for life.

Her father was full of wounds, he was crying on the floor, leaning against the wall and covering his face with his knees, which he hugged tightly while his whole body trembled. The little purple-haired girl, less than 5 years old, ran to her father to ask him what happened

The man didn't answer her, he didn't even look at her, he just continued crying, completely ignoring the little girl next to him. She could see her father completely covered in oil, she took several steps back and ran to the room where she thought her mother would be, she was scared, she had never seen her father act that way, she was afraid, she didn't know what to do, she didn't know. How to react, she just wanted to run into his mother's arms and see how she managed to calm the whole atmosphere, like she always did, but this time it wouldn't be that way.

She entered the room screaming where her mother was supposed to be sleeping, but it was empty, there was no one, only a broken glass and the sheets torn and full of oil. Somehow Uzi managed to understand what the oil meant, she was perplexed watching the oil run from the bed to the window, leaving a whole path of dark oil. The purple-haired girl approached the window and only saw how a path of oil followed along the entire street until she reached an area where a huge amount of oil was scattered. Around there were many workers who seemed to be talking and inquiring about the matter. Uzi was terrified, she was scared.

Now it all makes sense.

Her father was crying inconsolably, her parents room was in chaos, the area where there was oil and her house were cordoned off, many workers outside her house talking in fear, her mother was not there. She was filled with anger.

She was filled with anger towards the killer drones, she was filled with anger towards her father, towards her mother, but especially, towards herself, because by understand, she understood everything that had happened, she remembered that she heard noises in her house before and did nothing, she was filled with anger towards herself for not having done something to help, to save her mother.

Her face filled with big tears and she angrily started kicking her parents' bed, she hit so hard that her hands hurt, but she couldn't do anything but hit and cry. Her mother, the light of her life, the reason for her joys and with whom she could truly feel safe and happy, was no longer there, she was gone and there would be no way for her to come back, more tears came and finally she let herself fall into the bed, not caring that it was full of oil and completely torn, she cried so hard until she fell asleep, thinking about her family. At least she would still have her father, as long as they stayed together they could get ahead.

Unfortunately for Uzi, her last hopes were dashed as soon as she woke up.

The noise from the street managed to make her open her eyes and get up, at first she was confused, but after a few seconds she remembered everything and could do nothing but ignore the situation and look for her father, she needed a hug, someone to give her to say that everything would be okay even if that wasn't completely true, she just wanted to feel safe again, even if it wasn't completely true.

When she left the room there was no one, her father had also left and hadn't left Uzi, she just resigned herself to sitting at the table and waiting for her to return.

Hours passed and he did not arrive.

The night fell and Uzi, who was asleep on the table, he woke up when he heard the sound of her house door opening, normally she didn't wake up with such small noises, but apparently she did now, her body was on alert since the night before.

Her father entered only to see Uzi in a chair waiting for him, the man looked into her eyes for seconds and then looked down to go to her room.

-Get ready, we'll go say goodbye to your mother.- was the only thing the man said before locking himself in his room.

Uzi watched in silence for a few seconds and proceeded to do as her father ordered.

And so that night, Uzi went through the worst of her life. Her mother's body was inside a small box, apparently dismantled and there were only a few pieces of the body, there were only friends of his late mother and father, who accompanied the Doormans for a while. Uzi felt very uncomfortable, everyone around her was crying and whispering, her father was just crying inconsolably as he fell on that box, Uzi couldn't do anything but watch the whole scene, she didn't know what to do, she only knew that he was feeling an emotion. that she had never felt in her life.

Not being able to decipher that emotion, she thought that she really didn't feel any emotion, that after everything that had happened her emotions had been blocked and now she couldn't feel anything, to the point that despite the environment she was in, she didn't cry again. further.

Uzi continued waiting for something from her father, at least a hug, but he didn't even give her a hug but he didn't even look at his daughter, he just left her some food on the table and went off for the rest of the day to build doors so strong that they would protect the entire colony from the killer drones.

Days, weeks, months and years passed. Khan did not hug his daughter again, did not give her words of encouragement again and was only responsible for keeping her alive.

Uzi grew up surrounded by complete and happy families, but when she tried to remember those moments with her family she could only remember the night of the massacre and the following days, she was filled with anger seeing those families being so happy, it was a different anger, she didn't know how to describe it, but, she was envious.

She envied all those happy families, she envied seeing children her age smile and feel envy

She envied all those happy families, she envied seeing children her age smile and feel genuine happiness, she envied them, she missed feeling really happy, she missed having a place to rest, a place where she could be herself, where she could lower her spirits. guard, where she would finally feel comfortable.

Everyone around her called her weird, they made fun of her for her attitude, they didn't like her for her personality, they didn't like that she was always on the defensive and never let her guard down; teachers, classmates and people who saw her felt that there was a flaw in her system because of the way she acted, she was different, it was obvious that she was not like the rest of her, maybe this was why she people didn't want her.

Of course! Why else could it be? They had not seen her mother's blood spilled on her father's body, in her room, in the street; They hadn't seen her mother's remains inside a small box while everyone around her cried and she couldn't feel anything; They had not been ignored by her father since they were 5 years old; They hadn't lived through her hell, they didn't know how she felt, they didn't know how Uzi felt.

Who was she trying to fool? She didn't know how she felt either, she was always on the defensive, that's why she acted violently when she felt that someone was trying to attack her, even if it was for something small, but in reality she didn't feel anger or sadness, but it didn't mean that she didn't feel anything either, because nothingness is also a feeling, right?

In the end she simply decided to resign herself and believe that she didn't feel anything, she claimed that she didn't feel anything, no one in the world understood her.

She uzi didn't feel anger, she didn't feel it at all; nor sadness or disapproval; She felt a void, one that nothing could fill, she felt helpless for not having been able to do something to help, she felt guilty, because she thought that her father did not love her for not having helped her mother survive.

The departure of her mother had left a void, and because she wanted to, she couldn't help but blame herself.

ORIGINAL AUTHOR :neozzuri