When You're Gone

05

I'm really nervous right now. Nag practice naman ako para dito, I did my best to be a great ballerina, but hindi ko maiwasan na mapaisip na paano kung mamali ako? Mawala ako sa focus?

Tinignan ko ang nanginginig kong kamay. My anxiety is attacking me. I closed my eyes and silently prayed, sana hindi ako mag fail later. If ever I did, Mommy La would get angry. I know that I am strong, but right now I'm acting like a scared cat.

"Girls are all ready?" said Ma'am Angeline, our ballerina professor. "You all can do it, guys!"

"Of course, miss, I'll ace it," Heather said. Pinagmasdaan ko ang kabuoan nito. Maganda talaga si Heather.

Every Filipino guy's typical type. Fair skin, short-haired chinita, and not so tall.

Lumapit sa akin si Caroline, their ghostly smile plastered on him.

"Good luck, Rancher," she said before going out.

Hindi ko nalang pinatulan ito, mas kailangan ko mag focus dito.

We stood backstage of the competition pacing, I inhaled. I was nervous.

"Next up, The Beautiful Swan's." The announcer spoke.

I let out a breath. I could do this.

From the audience, I saw her watching me. Nanginginig ang aking mga kamay. Tumingin ako sa gilid nakaupo doon ang mga athlete ng school. Mas lumaki ang aking kaba.

When the music starts playing, I lift one leg up, slowly inching it closer to my head. My left arm is holding onto the cool silver ring. I put it in my waist; I did a sway.

The music softly hums while I dance. Hindi ako tumitingin sa mga audience, ayaw ko mawala sa focus.

My right arm reaches for my foot and brings it up to my head, showing how flexible I am.

I prepared my toes to do my pointe. Bago ang event ni-ready ko ang aking sapatos maaring ito ang maging dahilan ng aking pagkatalo, I cant lose.

I make sure my flats are laced up properly, the light pink ribbon curling around my shin. I start a little pointe while doing a circle sway. I tilt my feet up until my toes are on the floor, balancing me perfectly as I hold it for a good few seconds.

We won. I won.

After the performance, we go backstage. My team's family is there. Nilibot ko ang aking paningin, 'di ko siya makita, maybe she already went home? Yeah, it's okay, though. Every time after my performance, she leaves.

"You did so well, Miss Rancher!"

"Thank you, po. It's not only me, because I have a great team," I said to our instructor.

"Yeah, right, but you were flawless out there." I smiled at her and hugged her.

"Thank you!"

They showered me with compliments. Well, almost everyone did. Except for them. Caroline's circle.

I saw my team's family there hugging. I wish I had someone too.

Pagkatapos makipag-usap, I excuse myself. I felt drained and stinky. I go to my locker. Kumuha lang ako ng black pants and pink knitted crop top.

"Hey," said Heather. Kakapasok lang nito sa loob. Maybe magpapalit na din ng damit. I just smiled at her.

"You won't go to our after party?" She asked me. Nagkakalkal 'to ng kaniyang bag.

I shake my head.

"Nope. I don't party, and I'm already drained."

Tumaas ang sulok ng labi nito.

"Oh! Okay.." 

I didn't answer her; lumabas nalang ako at dumiretso waiting ched. I forgot to text Mang Kanor. If hinintay lang ako nila mommy La, I don't need to wait here anymore. Siguro, kaya siya sumaglit dito para makita kung nagawa ko ba ng maayos ang aking pagsasayaw. I hope I make her proud.

"You did amazing out there," someone whispered. Nilingon ko ito. Shocked. This handsome guy is Helion Primado. The one who hit me with the ball. I remember him!

Helios smiled, slightly tightening his hold on the little box he's holding.

"Uh, thank you," iniwas ko ang tingin ko rito. I don't know why I can't go eye-to-eye with him. His eyes were drowning me.

"Bakit mag-isa ka dito? Uuwi ka na?" Sabi nito sa matigas na tagalog.

Why is he talking to me? Did he know me? Bakit hindi niya kasama ang girlfriend niyang si Heather.

"Uh, yeah. Hinihintay ko ang driver ko. Why are you here?" Bakit hindi mo kasama ang girlfriend mo?

Of course, I didn't ask him. I don't want to embarrass myself.

He stretched his neck, showing that he was shy.

"Wala napadaan lang ako dito." Kumunot ang aking noo. Napadaan? I did answer; I just nodded.

"Wala pa ba ang driver mo? Madilim dito sa waiting area."

Tinignan ko ang relo na sa aking bisig. Mag-alas nuwebe na ng gabi.

I looked at him.

"Mang Kanor is probably almost here. Hindi ka pa ba aalis?"

There's a ghostly smile plastered on his face.

"Pinapaalis mo na ako? Ganiyan ka pala?" I shook my head.

"Are you waiting for someone?" He did not answer me. Mas lalong lumaki ang kaniyang ngisi. Bakit ba siya ganiyan? he makes me nervous.

I repeat my question.

"Are you waiting for someone?" Probably your girlfriend.

He smirked.

"Yeah, I'm waiting for someone." He whispered something that did not pass my ear.

Nawala ang aking ngiti. He's waiting! hindi ko na muli siya pinansin saktong pag dating ni mang Kanor.

I immediately opened the car door. I never looked back.

After I got home, I saw Mommy La. Like she's waiting for me. I approached her and kissed her cheek.

"Mommy La, our team won. Why did you leave so soon? Hindi mo po tina—" She cut me off. She stood up. Humawak ito sa kaniyang bewang.

"Really? Are you proud of that? I didn't like your performance, so I left immediately. Ayaw ko mapahiya, maybe you won because our family has more shares in that school!" Dinuro ako nito. "Hinding hindi mo kaya higitan ang tita Nisha mo! Pare-parehas kayo ng nanay mo!"

I didn't realize that my tears were falling.