I Don't Want To Live Forever

8.

"You must be joking",  

Harry spats out from the sofa he has been sitting on for the past half an hour. 

His elbows rest on his knees, and his arms are tensed as he holds his hands together, his knuckles white, while Zayn recites all the reasons why he has decided to leave the band. 

Zayn eyes him silently.

The other boys are frozen in shock. 

Niall, seated next to Harry, has his mouth open and has started to feel his eyes water. 

Louis has already punched a wall and left the room. 

Liam, seated next to Zayn on the sofa opposite Harry's, is working hard to try to find the words to fix this, the worry and effort written on his face.

"You are going to fucking do this in the middle of a world tour". 

Harry is fuming, he is sounding as calm as he can master but he is pissed off with him. Because this is not the way to do this. And at this moment, all of Zayn's reasons sound like bullshit to his ears.

"I can't go on. It's killing me", Zayn says, and Liam places a hand on his shoulder.

"You fucking can't go on? How do you think the rest of us feel?" Harry's brow furrows as he confronts him.

Zayn's knee starts shaking as he taps the floor, he tries to find the words. 

He knows what Harry is doing, the emotional black mailing. He has been the one helping him, and supporting him for the past months. They had grown closer after that night in the hotel, after Taylor broke it off with him. Something changed between them. And he had finally admitted to Harry that he did not feel like he was doing what was best for him by staying in the band.

He had been struggling since day one, but in the past months, after the idea of him going solo started formulating in his mind, it had gotten progressively worse, to the point that his health had started deteriorating. He couldn't eat, he couldn't sleep, and there was not enough alcohol in the world anymore, to help him keep going. 

Harry had been there, making him feel heard, and included and like he could go through it, whatever it was he was struggling with.

"Harry, mate, I am sorry, I just...", Harry gets up then, startling Niall and Liam who haven't said a word yet.

"Guys", Liam finally speaks in a warning tone, sensing the tension building in the room.

"Not the time for one of your corny speeches", Harry lashes out at Liam, who is not faced by his words, and faces Zayn, standing tall over him. 

"You are fucking finishing this tour", he points at him.

"I won't, I am done, don't push me Haz, won't end up well", Zayn stares up at him.

Harry feels Niall's hand on his shoulder then, appeasing him. But Zayn makes a brave move , he gets up and faces Harry, eye to eye. 

"You are being selfish", Harry spats out.

"Guys, let's just sit like civilised young adults and talk this through", Liam gets up then. But no one is paying attention to him.

"First you fucking try steal my girl, and now this shit, after everything", Harry is taking it a step further, his patience gone with him. 

He had really tried to understand the guy, he had even bonded with him, they were good mates, in his heart, nearly brothers. 

They had so much in common, and he knew they stood out from the rest of the band too, which had made them quite competitive with each other at times, making them even better. But then there was Taylor's episode, which he had not fully come to terms with.

Zayn snorts at his words, prompting Harry's jaw to tense, his eyes sending daggers in his direction. 

And Zayn's instinct to protect her from him suddenly activates: "Your girl?, you screwed her over so many times, she deserves something better than the piece of shit of a boyfriend you were to her".

Liam jumps in between them, as soon as he hears Zayn's words, getting in the way of Harry's initial intentions, which were mainly throwing Zayn against the nearest wall. The same wall Liam finds himself against, Harry grabbing him by his t-shirt collar, Niall pulling at Harry's arm.

"Harry, let him go!", Niall tells him calmly. And he does. Turning to face Zayn again. Hurt and anger in his eyes, as he stares at him, feeling betrayed.

In that moment Zayn cannot believe he has always had his back, when it came to Taylor, and he has always respected their bond. Regardless of how many times it had crossed his mind, to cross the line, and actually be the type of guy she deserves, it had been Harry first in his mind, always. Like a brother. And now, when he finds himself needing his support the most, Harry cannot see his side, he cannot understand that he has to do this, because this is ending him.

Zayn stares back at him, hurt, and tired of this fight. "I am sorry, Harry, I am". He tells him earnestly, turning to leave.

"If you cross that fucking door, you can forget about me. For the rest of your fucking life!", Harry bursts out then, pointing at him with a finger, his eyes welling up.

Zayn stares at him then, and bolts to the door before he can see him cry.