Fem-boy (Komahina)

Why Is This Life The One I Call Mine?

TW!!: Physcial Abuse, Verbal Abuse, Trauma

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Hajime P.O.V.

After school, I decided to walk home. I had missed the bus, as per usual.School always let out a couple minutes after the bus arrived, so I rarely made it. Looks like I'm in for another beating today...

I checked my watch. It was 3:02 P.M. I sighed and decided to pick up the pace. Dad wants me home by 3:15, but the house is thirty minutes away from here... I'll probably regret it later, but maybe if I run, then I can make it... Putting My watch back in my pocket, I ran as fast as I could, determined to get home on time. For some reason, today I was determined not to get hit. I just didn't need it right now. I had already made a fool of myself in front of that main course student, not to mention somehow let my breakfast fly onto his head. There's no way I can recover from something like that... Besides, I had to deal with Natsumi's usual banter today, too... I don't even get why she keeps talking to me. And it really doesn't help that I have to break up fights between her and Sato... Not only that, but that red-haired girl... I think it was Koizumi? Every time she's around, the fights always seem to get worse... I sighed again, trying to push myself harder. I need to get home...

~~~

About ten minutes later, I arrived home. I... Actually did it... I thought while panting. I checked my watch. 3:12 P.M. I can't believe it... I stood in front of my house (if you could even call it that; it was incredibly small and only had a few rooms, not to mention, it needed a lot of repairs, so it looked like a shabby cottage from the outside and even worse inside) and caught my breath. Once I had regained my stamina, I walked up the couple steps and onto the porch and opened the door.

Inside, I was immediately greeted by my parents yelling at each other again. I could tell they were in the other room, probably the kitchen. I decided to listen in on the conversation to see what they were arguing about this time. I figured it would be the normal things, like money and buying alcohol and cigarettes. As I quietly closed the door behind me, I let my ears do the work.

"All you ever do is drink in the damn house, so just fucking shut your crap!!" my dad yelled.

"Like you ever do anything!! I have to make dinner and do the bills and everything else in between!" my mom yelled back. I let out a silent sigh.

"You know that's a lie! You know for a fact that I always have to deal with that failure of a boy!" my dad yelled back. I froze for a second, as if I expected a beating to come from it. But I quickly relaxed, for I knew that they didn't even know I was home.

"I only let you handle him because you said you wanted to! You said I wasn't doing it properly, and you said you wanted to beat him how he should be beat! You said that you would teach him what he should be taught! But apparently, you don't know how to do it, because he's still the talentless bitch he was when he was little!" my mom was on a rampage, cussing and spitting in my dad's face. "So I don't want to hear shit about how I did everything wrong!"

"You're going to fucking regret that, you bitch." he said, his anger apparent, but his voice less loud. But instead of hitting her like he usually does, there was a moment of silence. I figured he had checked his watch, because after a couple of seconds, he scowled, and said, "3:16. The damn failure's late again."

It was at that moment that I heard footsteps approaching the living room, which is where I was standing. He entered the room, and I froze, my body becoming a paralyzed statue. He stared at me, and I stared back, and he opened his mouth to talk.

"Didn't I tell you I need you home by 3:15?!" he screamed. "This is getting fucking ridiculous! I told you and you never listen to me?! What, is this some sort of act of defiance!? After the home that we've given you, you dare to defy us?! To defy me?!"

"N-No, it's not like that...!" I said frantically. "School lets out after the bus leaves the bus stop! I'm never able to get there in time!"

"Then you'll have to leave early!" he shouted.

"I-I can't! I've tried, but they won't let us leave until the bell rings! Sometimes they don't even dismiss us 'till after it rings!" I told him.

He glared at me. He stepped towards me, and continued to, until he was inches away from me. "You stupid little bitch." he raised his hand high in the air. "You're such a failure that you can't even catch a damn bus!" With one swift and foul movement, he brought his hand down, slapping it across my right cheek. The hit was enough to send me crashing to the ground. I landed on the ground harshly, and my head hit the warped wood. I stayed there, knowing I'd get scolded and beat again if I dared to stand.

"Go to your room." my dad ordered. "Now!"

With a chill going down my spine, I stood slowly and walked passed him, making my way to my room. My dad mumbled something under his breath, but I didn't want to hear it, so I didn't pay attention. Instead, I opened my door and walked inside my room, making sure to close it behind me.

Flopping down on my bed, a silent tear ran down my cheek. I sniffed, and I bit my lip, forcing back any tears that threatened to spill out of my eyes. I put my head in my arms and squinted my eyes close, silently cursing out my mom and dad. Especially my dad. He's the one that's the worst. He abuses me and mom. Not like I care for her. But it's still a hell of a lot worse.

I snuck under the covers and lay on my side, facing the desk in my room. There was still papers upon papers stacked onto one another, and there was a lamp and some medical supplies, mostly pills and the sort. Looking at it all brought back memories, and I didn't want to reminisce right now. So, I turned to my other side and faced the wall. My head didn't agree with the sudden movement, considering it was still throbbing from earlier, but I tried to ignore it. I curled up into a ball and hid myself under the covers, as if I didn't want to be seen. In truth, I didn't know what I did and didn't want. The only thing I knew was that I hated this place. Did I really want to be hidden like this? Yes, maybe it would be best for me to stay hidden from the world. My parents wouldn't be the only ones to force it upon me.

I sighed and brought my right hand to my face. I studied it, tracing over the large scar in the middle of it. I looked on the other side and saw a scar of the same length. I let out a laugh of irony. It's a perfect match. Like a set. Letting my hand go back to lolling at my side, I stared at the wall, looking at all the cracks in it. Time had really beaten this place down, and it definitely showed, too. Looking at it reminded me of myself, so I couldn't help but look away. Everything around me reminded me of myself, and I hated it. If I looked to my right, I could see my desk, and if I looked to my left, I could see the cracks in the wall. The ceiling is no better, considering there's cracks there, too. Besides, the popcorn ceiling gives me a headache. The only other option was to face my pillow, but it would honestly be hard to breathe if I smushed my head onto it, so I decided against that. Though, it took a decent amount of convincing not to just do it anyway.

With a sigh, I slowly sat up, careful not to disturb my beast of a headache. I looked down at myself, noticing my skinny figure. Another shill went down my body, and I rubbed my hands against my arms, as if I was hugging myself. It's cold in here, too...

It was at that moment I finally realized why my dad had sent me in here. "I... I'm staying in here the rest of the day, aren't I? With no food or heat." I brought my knees to my chest and hugged them to keep them close. I bit my lip again. I probably looked like a child who had a nightmare in the middle of the night and had just woken up.

My body ached and I felt miserable. I knew that I was going to be in for a long night. 

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look okay i hve a rly sad hc for hajimes past, and there is no way im passing up the opportunity to show it to ppl UvU