Pause. Rewind. Play. (A Zayn Malik Fanfic)

Chapter 30: Selfish

Zayn's P.O.V:

"Great job boys, you're done for today," Paul says, clapping his hands together. I wipe the sweat from my brow. "Don't hurt yourselves! I don't want any broken bones to deal with before the concert tonight!"

"No promises!" Louis calls, jumping straight off the stage. I shake my head and chuckle. I whip my phone out, dialling the number and putting it to my ear.

"He's calling Ari again?" I hear Liam whisper to Niall.

"Yeah man, did last night too; twice!" Niall chuckles. I roll my eyes and concentrate on the voicemail. Eighth one this week. She wasn't responding to any of my texts. I furrow my eyebrows in worry. She's busy, I think to myself, she just needs space.

"Zayn," I turn my attention to Niall. "Coming for lunch? Or are you gonna try calling Ari again?" I playfully nudge him.

"Shut up," I mutter, smiling. I hide the disappointment I feel when I realize how long its been since I've actually spoken with Ari.

Two weeks now? I wonder if she's even back in Miami, studying her head off. After she left for New York, I never got word from her. I would've waited for her, heck I would've went with her, but I had the tour to do. I'm already in Texas with the boys. After this we go the rest of the West Coast and then Mexico. She's just busy with her studies, I conclude.

She should be fine.

---

Ari's P.O.V:

I shake in my mother's arms. The flat is cold, only sounds coming from our cries. Numbness consumes me. How many days has it been? Four? Five? I've lost count. I can't remember the last time I've had a shower.

"Ari, you have to eat," she says solemnly. When was the last time I even ate? "You've been stuck in your room for a week now. I'm worried about you sweetie." Oh, so that's how long it's been. It seems to go much slower when all I ever do now is cry. She moves my hair away from my face. She sighs, knowing I won't react. She gets up and moves out of my room.

I slowly curl back into my covers, letting my tears deplete.

This was all my fault. I should've never have left Morgan alone. I'm the reason she's in her critical state. If only I had just stopped her that night. I could've stopped her; I could've saved her. It was all my fault.

I hear the front door slam open and heavy footsteps come inside. Two hushed voices speak very frantically and I can already tell it's Mum and Dad. I keep quiet as to hear their conversation clearer.

"There's nothing they can do."

"I don't understand, they said she was getting better."

"She was, they have no clue as how this could've happened." Dad pauses. "They're thinking about pulling the plug on her soon." I resist a sob.

"No. I will not have it. I refuse."

"Morgan has been there for more than a year now. What more can they do except pray she wakes up? What if she's actually going through worse pain than she would if we just let her go."

"Ari would never forgive us if we just let her slip away from our fingers. We can't do it. I can't do it. That's my daughter we are talking about and I refuse to let her go without a fight." I can hear Mum starting to cry again.

"Maybe it's time we let her stop fighting, and let her rest." My eyes widen and I spring from my bed. I bolt out of the apartment, rushing right past them and not looking back. Climbing down the stairs I burst out into the open streets, feeling the fresh air liven me.

How could they? How could they even think about letting Morgan go? They're her fucking daughter for crying out loud! So am I, but it doesn't matter how I feel about all this. How Morgan would feel if she knew. If she knew that her parents were thinking about letting her die in her coma state. I didn't recognize them anymore. They weren't my parents, not the ones I knew at least. The thought wouldn't even slip their minds. I didn't even want to be in the same building as them, disgusted by their conversation to even continue.

I jump when I feel something vibrate in my jacket pocket. It's been vibrating a few times all week, but I never answered it. I've been too distraught to do almost anything lately except sleeping and crying and repeat.

"H-Hello?" I whimper as the cold air nips me. I should've brought a thicker jacket with me. When did it snow? I hadn't even noticed the frost on the ground. I forget that even though I'm still hanging on to the shred of Morgan's life left, no one else has. It seems as I'm the only one that actually is trying to keep her alive. Everyone else is moving on with their lives, but I can't. I can't let her leave me.

"Ari!" I immediately recognize Zayn's accent and voice. He sounds relieved to hear me. "Where have you been? I've been trying to get a hold of you for a while now! Is everything okay?" I break down into sobs again on the sidewalk, not able to hold in the built up emotions.

"M-Morgan," I stutter out, collapsing onto a bench. Nobody else was outside except a few unfortunate pedestrians forced to walk in the snow. I probably look foolish in just a flimsy jacket and jeans. I didn't even wear shoes, I'm still in my slippers! "S-She...S-She..." I can't even keep myself composed enough to say why I was so upset.

"Shh...Ari calm down. Take a deep breath and try to tell me what happened to Morgan." I take a shaky breath, letting the cold air burn my dry windpipe.

"She was getting better Zayn," I blubber out without stuttering. "Then...I don't know how. I was there...but then she-she's getting worse. I don't know what to do. This is all just wrong! It wasn't supposed to be like this! If I had just stopped her! If I had just saved her we wouldn't be in this fucking mess!" I could feel myself breaking down more and more as my words kept tumbling out of my mouth like word vomit.

"Ari, it was none of your fault. Her accident wasn't your fault. You couldn't have predicted it. Stuff like that happens, but you can't blame yourself," he says calmly. I choke out a few more sobs before continuing.

"My parents are thinking of letting her go, pulling her plug," I whimper. "How could they do that to her Zayn? She's their daughter-"

"And she's probably suffering a lot right now," Zayn cuts off. I'm stunned silent. "Morgan is a fighter, you know that. Ari, I hate to tell you the truth, but you are being really selfish right now. Everyone else is willing to let her go, but you won't because of your own selfishness. You need to let her go, it's going to be better for her, better for you. Think about Morgan, think about how Morgan is feeling right now. She can't wake up, but she can't die either. She has no communication to the outside world. Do you think of how trapped she might feel? How alone she feels the fact she can't reach out to her sister and family and friends? Wouldn't it be better just to let her go and let her go somewhere where she won't have to keep struggling anymore?"

The tears have gone dry. I hate to say it, but Zayn's right. I am selfish. I've been putting my own needs in front of Morgan's needs. If Zayn hadn't told me blunt how terrible of a sister I've been, I wouldn't have noticed. I heave a sigh, running a hand over my forehead, the raging headache starting to come to me.

"I-"

"Ari!" I turn seeing Mum and Dad running towards me. "What the bloody hell is wrong with you! Why are you out here in the cold!" I look down at the phone in my hand and then glance up at them.

"Ari answer us, please we were worried sick about you!" Mum cries, holding me tight and crying into my shoulder. Again, me being selfish. They already have one of their daughters close to death and now her other one just ran off. What kind of person am I? "Let's get you inside, you're going to get sick if you stay out here!"

I let them lead me inside silently. I shut off my phone, not even bothering to tell Zayn goodbye. I didn't want to. I didn't want to talk to anybody. I just wanted to be alone, be alone and just stay alone, where I can think. I need time to think.