Paradise on the Dunes

Chapter 4

The sun was rising behind the veil of thin clouds above the blue and green horizon. The sea met the sky with a silent invitation to the residents and tourists in Grace Harbor to wake up and enjoy a warm, sunny day. Shelly stood up from a chair facing the picture window and put her empty coffee mug on the seat as she watched the sunrise. Waves of memories from her past with Marco crashed over her, stirring up fresh tears in her eyes. She rested her forehead on the cold glass of the window and let herself travel in time. Marco had carried her bride into their rented apartment in Boston after a short honeymoon in Myrtle Beach. And so their routine had started. Marco's residency at the Central Hospital had finished months earlier, and he had just started his recent practice as a family physician. As for Shelly, she shared a clinic with other speech and occupational therapists. Not much to start with, but in a way, she had resisted the allure of working in a big clinic. Family came first.

In her mind, Shelly paced in the rented two-bedroom apartment in a quiet neighborhood. She and Marco had bought some furniture, but the store manager had called them days before the wedding, saying the delivery would be delayed. So, they bought an inflatable mattress for their first night in the apartment. Lying her head on Marco's bare chest that night, Shelly had listened to his great plans of buying a big house one day.

"A house large enough for a big family," he had said.

Feeling the steady movement of Marco's chest as he breathed, Shelly had dreamed of kids running around the big house she and Marco would buy. But the couple gave up on their dream of having a big family and a big house after facing multiple miscarriages and discouragement from their doctor. A few years later, when Jenny was born at thirty-two weeks, Marco began talking about the house again. However, for Shelly, keeping Jenny healthy was her main concern. It was like her maternal mind and heart only had room for their newborn baby. In the first two years, she was too exhausted to even consider moving out of the small apartment.

"Mom?"

Shelly wiped her face with the white scarf and turned to face her daughter. Jenny was braiding her hair. She yawned.

"Up already?" Shelly asked and drew Jenny close to her.

"I smelled the coffee." Jenny stepped back and examined her mother's face. "Thinking about dad?"

"Is it possible not to think?" She toyed with the scarf hanging from her shoulders.

"Does it hurt less?" Jenny asked.

Shelly shrugged her shoulders. "Most of the time. But the memories always bring it back."

Jenny crossed her arms. "Once you told me memories are painful because they are special, because they're a sign we loved him."

"There's no love without pain." Even looking at Jenny was painful. The fear of losing her, of knowing she too would suffer heartache at some point in her life—that was painful. Shelly took her daughter's hand. "Let's have some coffee. I need another cup." She retrieved the mug from the chair.

Jenny opened the bag of bread and nibbled on a slice. "We need a toaster."

"We need so many things." She switched on the coffeemaker. The gurgling noise resonated in the kitchen, followed by the smell of coffee.

"When are you calling Matt?" Jenny gave the soft bread another bite.

"I did already. Yesterday before bed." Shelly handed Jenny a mug of coffee, receiving a broad smile in return.

"Really? I'm glad. I thought you weren't going to." She took a sip of the hot coffee.

"Might as well go ahead with the plan. For your dad." Shelly leaned on the kitchen counter, holding her mug.