"What?"
"Huh.."
The lights in Tyler's room seemed to be brighter, the walls were caving in. This moment, this whole situation didn't feel real. Josh stared at Tyler, and Tyler avoided his gaze. The pair simply, didn't talk about it. Just awkward silence, small nods and the occasional "Mhm." Josh sat on the edge of Tyler's bed, and Tyler made a point to sit far on the other side. They exchanged glances every few seconds until, to everyone's surprise, Tyler broke the silence.
"So. You really mean that?"
"What?"
"You mean like.. You don't want to be just friends with me?"
Josh looked at Tyler, nodding immediately. It pained him that Tyler didn't believe his words. "Tyler, of course I mean it." Tyler shook his head, "This has to be a joke. You can stop now, we can laugh about this in the future when we're old and have wives or something."
Wives. What a concept. Tyler never wanted a wife, or a family in that sense. He always figured it was something wrong with him. His other guys at Church had always talked about how excited they were to start families with their girlfriends, Tyler was always outcasted. He had a girlfriend, here and there. But it was never real love. It didn't feel real. It was just a part Tyler was playing, like in the school musical or something similar. Something to appease and calm those around him.
Josh didn't reply. Wives? There was no way Tyler was talking about wives. In the time Josh had known Tyler, he figured out pretty quickly that girls weren't his thing. He felt bad for Tyler, living the way he did. Josh couldn't imagine being afraid like this, he scooted closer to Tyler, taking a deep breath.
"I know what you're going through."
Tyler looked up, confusion on his face "Do you, really?"
"Yeah, Tyler, I do. You clearly don't like girls, and that's okay don't get me wrong. I don't either. But, you're just scared that you'll let people down, or that you'll be hurt and pushed away. I get it."
"I don't even know what to say to that, Josh." Tyler knew Josh was right, he just couldn't admit it
Josh nodded "You don't have to say anything, but just know that I understand. I know it doesn't always seem like I care, but I really do."
Tyler just hummed in response, not really wanting to talk about it much anymore. The fact that Josh knew so much about how Tyler felt without Tyler even telling him felt strangely comforting. He looked at Josh. Josh was so carefree and effortless all the time. He had this naturally relaxed energy about him, and Tyler adored it.
"I know.. And, you're right, about everything you've said. I'm just scared." Tyler looked over at Josh, deciding to take the chance. Although awkward and hesitant at first, he gently placed his hand over Josh's, looking up at him. "Do you think we could keep it like, a secret? Just for a bit.."
Josh smiled softly and nodded, holding Tyler's hand "I think we can manage that. But, is this something you really want to do? I don't want to force you or rush you into anything you aren't comfortable with."
