The Overshared And Underappreciated Mind Of A Hopeless Romantic

Love, Lust, And Fairy Dust

"Those who never knew love, love the hardest" - Harlie Power

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An Unexpected Interest

Stupid. This was a stupid idea.

I am picking at my fingernails.

This is too much.

I've realized that my nail started to bleed so I stopped trying to peel my nail off.

Paint. Shit, the paint.

I'm supposed to be helping my friend with her Halloween costume. She got this white faux leather jacket and wanted me to help her paint it red and blue. She wanted to be Harley Quinn. When she told me I cringed, waiting for a very overused joke about my name. She didn't say anything and I was grateful. I stood up from my spot on the living-room carpet and got the paint out of the cabinet two feet away.

This costume is basic.

I wanted to make a joke about it but I didn't know if it would come off as me complaining. Honestly, I didn't mind at all helping her. I turn around with the paint in my hands. She's staring at me weirdly. I stop dead in my tracks.

Do I have paint on my shirt? Did I drop something?

"What?" I'm confused and look down at the floor trying to find something that I might have dropped.

"Are you okay?" She sounds concerned.

"... Yes?" No.

"He doesn't have to come."

I hate that she didn't tell me she invited him until two minutes ago.

"Is he on his way?" I'm ignoring her question. I hate last-minute changes.

"Yes, he said he'll be like 10 minutes."

Shit. Fuck. Shit. Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck.

I had never met him. It was her idea to get me to talk to him. At first, I wasn't interested. I was lonely and bored and it was nice to talk to someone new for a change. I only had his Instagram. There are no photos of his face anywhere in the 200 or so posts that he has. They weren't new either. They were two or three years old and the kid doing skateboarding tricks in his garage was tubby. Not that there's anything wrong with being bigger – I just didn't know what to expect. I had no intentions of liking this kid. Well, in a romantic way. I thought I was gonna make a new friend. Nothing more. But maybe freaking out means something ...

"He's outside." Her voice interrupts my thoughts. She's looking at her phone.

"Oh... okay."

Oh my god. It's been 10 minutes already? I look less than presentable.

I'm wearing a Snoopy shirt and black shorts. I can't change now.

I walk to my front door and wait for a car to pull up. I'm waiting for what feels like an eternity but then my friend walks up and it turns out to be just 30 seconds. A Jeep I don't recognize gets up the driveway and parks.

"That's him." She seems very excited. Overly excited.

I hate this.

I don't know what door he came out of, but suddenly he was walking to my door. Red flannel and blue jeans. I think there's a grey shirt underneath the flannel but I'm not sure.

Oh no.

I feel like I'm staring at him. My stomach feels funny and my heart is racing. My hands feel clammy. I don't know what's going on. I feel like hiding. He's nothing like what his Instagram photos suggested. He's tall and lanky. His face — which I have never seen before — is thin and he has the most strikingly blue eyes. They aren't a ghostly kind of blue, but a deep grey-ish kind of blue. He looks confident but nervous.