He Is My Sin - Hyunho

01. Fairytale Gone Bad

Just another day.

Minho opened his eyes. The room was only dimly lit by the soft gray morning light streaming through the heavy curtains. He looked to his side, to the person sleeping with him in their bed, his wife of four and half years. Her back was turned to him, as usual the last couple of months. He sighed heavily, looking at the dark ceiling, his mind already a jumble of regrets and bitter memories. They slept on the same bed, shared the same food, watched the same TV evening shows, but it was painfully clear that neither of them really wanted to be with the other anymore. At least not for the past year, ever since their lives took a bitter turn.

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Yeji and Minho have been friends since childhood. Best friends. They shared everything, their secrets, their dreams, their worries. Growning up together, somehow found their soulmate in each other and their close friendship evolved to a sweet, mellow love without any heavy  declarations, just warmth and understanding, bound together with the underlying pull between them. Attraction is a strange thing. Sometimes it is wild and sometimes it is subtle but enough to turn a friendship such as theirs into a comforting love story. It came natural, the intimacy. That's what Minho would say. Nothing extravagant and wild. No fiery passion and fatal love. And he was happy about it. She was happy about it. They both fell into it seamlessly. And so they became high school sweethearts. Their friends were not actually surprised. Everyone saw it coming, there could be no better match than those two! 

They got married as soon as they finished college and both of them landed good jobs, due to their excellent marks and skills. They had a big wedding with all their friends and relatives, and they were happy. Life seemed almost perfect. With her support and encouragement, Minho managed to start his own firm with two of his college buddies only a couple of years after his first job. Her own carreer in graphic arts took off smoothly, as well. The fairytale seemed to go on as soon they prepared to welcome their first child, both of them ecstatic for the new chapter in their lives.

Alas! Fairytales are just that: fairytales.

Complications in Yeji's late pregancy led to tragedy. She was left reeling. He was left numb. They returned to their empty nest, cold and lifeless. Friends and family rushed to their side, to give comfort and offer perspective - can there be such a thing in a time like this? They went through the grief of their loss, bravely standing together in front of them. But in the quiet of their home, deprived of the soft cry of the newborn baby, Yeji withdrew further and further away from him and he shut himself to a cold dark place, his now empty heart. 

They went through the motions of their everyday life, abiding to the wishes of their parents who told them that they would get through this, as long as they remained together. But after six months, she couldn't bear for him to touch her; he couldn't bear to hear her cry anymore and cringe away from his touch - he felt so hurt, not being allowed to comfort her, not being able to show his own grief, share his devastation. Looking at each other only reminded them of their loss. Something was broken between them. And Minho wasn't sure they could fix it.

"Therapy..." Minho's mother suggested. "Couples therapy, and you'll see Min-min, you will both feel better." Minho nodded. Yeji agreed. But the truth was neither of them was willing to find their way back to the other. They just went through with it to appease their parents. The last couple of months Minho suspected that Yeji was having an affair. But he didn't have the courage to confront her. Perhaps she deserved to seek happiness elsewhere. Maybe he couldn't bear lose her altogether. He would let her decide if and when she wanted to divorce him. He didn't have the couragre... His own heartbreak and sorrow still kept him numb. They had given up on couple's therapy about a month ago. He resigned to the role of her roommate. 

End of story.

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He got out of bed. The morning chill, this early in autumn, made him shiver. He went to wash his face and get dressed for work. Like every day. He ate a pice of toast with his morning tea, chewing on the blunt piece of bread half-heartedly. Like every day. He left home and went to the bus station, dragging his footsteps like an inmate on death row. Like every day. He took the bus to the subway station and then took the train down town, to his work place, with a burdenweighing heavily on his chest he just wanted to wish away. Like every day. If he died right now, he wouldn't know the difference. He already felt dead inside.

He arrived at his workplace fighting the gnawing urge to turn, run, hide, disappear.

The offices occupied the second floor of a 3 storey building, on a quiet street, just a five-minute walk from the bustling city centre. He went inside already counting the minutes until he would be able to leave. A red haired woman, a few years older than him, welcomed him with a professional but warm smile. "Good morning, Minho. How are you today?" He just nodded, offering a half-hearted curve of his lips in return. She wouldn't mind, she understood. Tina was his 'manager', as Minho would call her. She took care of everything to keep the office running smoothly and she was a friend. They met when he came to work as an intern in his senior year in the architectural firm she was working for, at the time. When he decided to open his own company, two years later, she followed him without question, literally hiring herself. Minho was like her little brother. She loved and respected him for his work ethics and talent. And she was aware of all his hardships and stress, helping discreetly from the sidelines, whenever she could whichever way she could. He proceeded to his own office space, closing the door behind him. Tina let out a soft sigh, shaking her head. She was truly worried about him.

Minho sat down and turned on his computer to go through the latest design revisions. Their new project was progressing rapidly but, for him, work was... boring lately. The same old people with the same old ways. Nothing new, nothing exciting. Which was rather ungrateful on his part because it was his own architectural firm. He was the senior partner, having founded the company almost fresh out of college, wasn't he? Only two years after his internship, do not forget! And the people he worked with were his friends, his mates for so many years since childhood, people he liked! And they were successful in their field, there was no doubt about it but, like everything else in Minho's life right now, it felt meaningless. Like ash in his mouth, bitter and poisonous. Everything seemed lackluster. He felt like his life was drained out of his body agonizingly slowly, day after day. 

Why? He did not know. But he wanted, he craved for something to shake him out of this numbness. He did. He really did...