PANIC ROOM • KENJI KON

BONUS CHAPTER 2.2

"We Are In A Grocery Store!"

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"Why didn't you tell me about college?"

Eva sighed as her feet took her back and forth across Kenji's floor, pacing. Kenji sat on the end of his bed, watching her intently. He had one leg pulled up under his other thigh, his hands wrapped around his ankle as he continued to watch her pace. Eva had just showered and dressed, and was hoping they'd settle down for the night so she could cure her ever-lasting exhaustion produced from a day stuck traveling across the country. She did not want to talk about this. She had hoped quickly skipping over it to throwing a get-together would throw him off, but he was always smarter than he first appeared to be. Still, she wondered how exactly he failed math, when he only ever got As in the subject.

Eva stopped pacing when Kenji reached out, taking one of her wrists and turning her to face him. Her wet hair flung against her neck, cold and damp. An incessant pout graced her lips as she stared down at her boyfriend.

She sighed again, and took a seat next to him. "I was already failing at every other aspect of life. I didn't want you to think I was dumb, too— and before you say I'm not dumb, I know I'm not dumb, I just... I thought, I knew, what I was doing with my life... and then suddenly I didn't but I was out of time to decide so now I'm panicking and failing and falling apart, and I'm sorry. I should have told you. I should have told anyone." She fell backwards, softly thumping against the bed. She stared up at the bright yellow light above her, wishing it would blind her. "I just, I didn't want to disappoint anyone... There was so much disappointment happening at Rutherford when I knew what I was doing, I just thought..."

"People would be even more disappointed in you for not figuring out your life yet?"

"Yeah."

Kenji fell against the bed beside her. "I don't know who constantly thought you were a disappointment at Rutherford, but that was never me. You were fun, and a little crazy, but you were never a disappointment to me. You knew what you wanted in life, and I thought that was so badass."

His fingers brushed against her own, then slid into her hand, their fingers interlocking. "Something life changing, shattering, absolute bat shit insane happened to us. It's not something you easily get over. You... almost didn't make it out of that place. I didn't expect you to magically go back to school, go back to normal as if six months running from dinosaurs wasn't life changing. No one did. And Mom was right. You're only nineteen. You shouldn't know where you're going yet. Life isn't a yellow brick road you can follow from highschool to retirement. It's hiking through the Swiss Alps with only two pairs of underwear, scented deodorant that's gonna attract bears, and being light headed because you're so high up. It's not gonna be easy."

Eva rubbed her right eye, rubbing the urge to cry out of the way. God, she was so tired of crying. "You're in art school, and you're gonna be this badass director-screenwriter combo, and your name is gonna be plastered all over IMDb and you know exactly what you're doing with your life. And Yaz is so excited about sports psychology— like, what even is that? And Sammy is gonna work on her ranch like her parents and those before them, and Ben is looking into paleo- whatever and Brooklynn has found her calling as a reporter and Darius is turning into the new Superstar and why don't I know what I'm supposed to do with my life? Why does everyone have their life together but me? —" she let go of Kenji's hand to bury her face in her hands. "What's wrong with me?"