Bound by Shadows

22

"Caelus, I'm ordering a crib online. What color do you want? Blue? Pink? Green? We have so many options," I murmured, my voice a mixture of excitement.

His response was a tired sigh, accompanied by the rustle of papers on his cluttered desk. His eyes, once filled with warmth and affection, now seemed distant and weary. "What?" he muttered, his tone tinged with irritation.

"A crib. For the nursery," I repeated. We talked about having kids, but we needed to get everything sorted out before we were ready to bring a mini us in our lives. Yet, my heart sank as his disinterest washed over me like a wave.

Silence settled between us like a heavy blanket, suffocating any hope of conversation.

"And whose idea was this?" after looking through his work, his words were laden with skepticism.

I swallowed hard, willing myself to remain calm in the face of his indifference. "It was our idea, Caelus. Remember? We discussed this before. I know we're not expecting yet, but I thought it would be good to start preparing," I explained, the words feeling inadequate.

His response was a bitter laugh, the sound like shards of glass cutting through the silence. "Discussing doesn't mean we have to go through with it," he snapped, his exhaustion turning into hostility.

"I-I'm sorry. It was just a thought, a plan. I got carried away."

He barely spared a glance, his tone flat. "I have no time for this. Get out."

A wave of hurt crashed over me, but I refused to let it show. "Fine," I replied tersely. "I'll remember not to bother you again." With that, I turned away, concealing the ache in my chest.

"Are you alright?" Phoebe's voice cut through the fog of my thoughts, yanking me back to the present from some distant reverie.

I blinked, the world around me snapping into focus. Ah, yes. After a week of keeping a low profile, we set off for Quinn's place with Phoebe. Despite Stella's awareness of Phoebe's innocence, her skepticism lingered and she insisted that I brought Tadashi, which was why he was here with me.

"Yes," I replied, my stride faltering as we passed a storefront displaying cribs, a lump forming in my throat. Tadashi's scrutiny was palpable.

As Phoebe ducked into a nearby coffee shop for a break, Tadashi turned to me, his expression tinged with concern. "You good?" he asked softly.

I hesitated, then confessed, "A memory of Caelus during... our marriage surfaced unexpectedly."

Everyone had made it abundantly clear that my marriage hadn't been a fairy tale.

Tadashi's eyes softened with empathy, a silent understanding passing between us before Phoebe's return interrupted our unspoken exchange.

Turning a corner, we came to a stop in front of a modest apartment nestled among dilapidated houses. "Door number 401C. Up the stairs you go. I'll be off. Best of luck," Phoebe's reassuring smile eased some of my apprehension as she departed, leaving Tadashi and me to ascend the flight of stairs to the fourth floor.

Standing before the door, I took a deep breath, my hands trembling with anticipation. It had been too long since my last visit, and the lack of response from Quinn had led to this impromptu visit.

As I stood there, contemplating the potential outcomes of our reunion, a twinge of anxiety crept in. Quinn might not welcome the surprise visit or acknowledge our past friendship after her prolonged silence.

Despite the unsettling possibilities, I summoned the courage to knock.

Moments stretched into eternity until finally, the sound of footsteps approached the door. When it swung open, I was taken aback by the sight before me.

Gone was the hot pink hair from our school days, replaced by bleached locks, and a nose piercing adorned her features. Clad in a thin t-shirt with no bottoms, a cigarette hung from her lips.

"Zanya?" Surprise colored her voice.

I nodded, barely able to find words as she enveloped me in a tight hug. In that embrace, I felt warmth. I felt that connection. Returning her embrace, Tadashi excused himself, and Quinn ushered me into her apartment.

Her face lit up with the brightest smile as she stubbed her cigarette in the ashtray and headed to the fridge to fetch us drinks. Sliding a can of beer over to me, I caught it, settling into a high chair opposite her.

Quinn took a deep breath, her gaze drifting to the window for a moment before returning to meet mine.

"So, how have you been?" she asked, her tone soft with genuine interest.

"I've been... navigating through life, I suppose," I replied, choosing my words carefully. "It's been quite the journey."

Quinn nodded, her expression pensive. "I can only imagine," she said quietly, her eyes flickering with emotion.

A heavy silence hung between us, and sensing the need to bridge the gap, Quinn cleared her throat, her voice hesitant as she broached a topic that had lingered between us for far too long.

"I've been reflecting a lot on our friendship," she began, her voice tinged with sadness. "About everything that happened. I'm sorry. It was my fault that things fell apart."

Confusion furrowed my brow. "What do you mean?"

Quinn held my gaze, a hint of bewilderment crossing her features as she noticed my confusion. "I mean, I made mistakes, Zanya," she clarified, her voice wavering slightly.

"What mistakes?" I pressed, the words tumbling from my lips before I could stop them.

Quinn's gaze faltered for a moment, her breath catching in her throat. Then, with a heavy sigh, she uttered words that sent a chill down my spine, shattering the fragile comfort of our reunion.

"It was me," she whispered, her voice barely audible. "I'm the reason he found you."