Silence

Extra

I was breathing heavily. I was excited, but still scared. I was getting married. I'd invited Shamus. The sad thing was, was that he was still talking to Shane. I shook my head and leaned against the wall. I was waiting in a room to be called by one of the staff members.

There came a knock at the door, and I opened it. On the other side stood Murray. I smiled and pulled him inside.

"How are you today, my love?" I whispered. Murray blushed and pushed me aside.

"I'm good, but I wanted to talk to you about something."

"Shoot," I said, guiding Murray to the couch in the middle of the room. We sat down before Murray started talking.

"I think that you should tell me at least a little about Shane. All I know is that you stopped talking to him, got evidence for me to be released, and then you suddenly started talking to me again," Murray said, covering his face with his hands. I sighed.

"Okay, yes, you're right. I'll tell you some of the story. But after our wedding. I mean, c'mon. I don't want to ruin our wedding day. So, let's talk about this tonight, all right?" I asked, placing a small shift on his forehead. I'd planned on telling him more and more of the story over the years, but not to start this soon.

"As long as you PROMISE to tell me later. I'm not going to start off our married life with lies and hidden truths," Murray said, looking me deep into my eyes. His pale skin reflected the beautiful contours of his face. The brown of his eyes looked like milk chocolate, and his hair was as black as tar. He had it slicked back for the wedding.

"Forever and always," I whispered. Murray laughed and got up.

"I gotta go. We should be called to the altar soon, and we're not supposed to see each other before the wedding." He pointed behind him to the door.

"Aw, come on. That's no fun," I said, reaching out to grab his legs and pulling him towards me. I placed my chin on his abdomen and gave him the sweetest puppy-dog eyes I could muster. Murray patted me on the head.

"You can shift me later," he laughed.

"But what about now?" I tried to gain sympathy. Murray smiled and twinged my cheek.

"Later, love," he said as a knock came on the door. A bright spark of excitement filled his eyes as the person knocked again. "You know what? To hell with it." And he leaned down and shifted me. I leaned into it.

I scooted back onto the couch as Murray got on top of me. I grabbed at his back, trying to pull him even closer to me.

"You're going to mess up my hair." His muffled complaint meant nothing against my lips.

"Shh," I muttered.

That night, after the wedding, I was talking to Shamus. We were sitting outside, underneath a tree.

"I'm glad you found someone, after all that heartbreak," Shamus said, swirling around a glass of wine.

I sipped my cup and laughed. "Me, too. After everything with Shane. All the manipulation. To believe that the one person I'd ever loved would do that to me is... Is just fucking insane."

Shamus looked down at his lap. "I'm sorry. For everything he's done to you. For being so messed up to take your mother's life and others' and then to have the guts to try to guilt trip you into spending your whole life for him. He's a toxic man that came from a toxic family."

I nodded. "And thank goodness he's in jail now."

Shamus looked sad at that statement. "You know..." He started.

"Yes?"

"I kind of feel bad for him sometimes. To grow up in an abusive family and to practically be stuck with that abuse for the rest of your life. It's just sick," he said as he leaned back against the tree.

"I know, I know... I'm just thankful it's all over." I leaned on his shoulder and stared at the setting sun. "And maybe, one day, I tell my story to the world. Who knows."

"I believe in you," Shamus said, laughing a little.

"I do, too."

Shamus shot up, knocking my head off of his shoulder.

"Wait."

I looked at him questioningly.

"What about the person that was DMing you? The name..." he snapped his fingers, trying to remember. "I--I-- I don't got it. What was their name again?"

"Nyx. Yeah. I reported them. We don't know who they were or what they were trying to do." I shook my head. "But it wasn't Shane. His reaction was too real when he figured out what Nyx was doing." I shrugged.

"How can you be so okay?" Shamus asked, looking at me like I was crazy.

"Who said I was? Who said that I don't wake up at night, screaming or crying because I'm scared?" I waved my hand out to the world beneath us. "I've just learnt to deal with it. All because Murray was there for me. From the beginning. At one point, I'd thought he didn't like me. I thought I was alone. I thought I could only rely on Shane. That he was the only one that understood, when there were so many others that I could've leaned on instead. It's funny, really. It's my own fault for pushing everyone away.  But I was a kid, Shamus. A child who was thrown into an unknown world without his rock.

"And I found myself again. Without the help of anyone else. And I made things work for myself. Murray is the person I want to spend the rest of my life with, but not because I can't be by myself, but because he makes me want to be a better person. He encourages me and helps me when I need help. He's the best thing that's happened in my life, and if only I'd noticed when I was younger, I'm sure that he wouldn't have let me fall down that rabbit hole. Or he would've tried not to let me. But even then, I don't regret the decisions I made because they led me to the family and people I know now.

"That includes you, Shamus." I shoved at his arm. "I'll be fine as long as I have Murray and my other loved ones with me. I won't let a stalker reach me. Not anymore. And never again am I running through the woods. Do you know how many ticks I had to pick off of myself after that? I had a grand ol' time with that." 

Shamus and I laughed together. I wasn't alone anymore, but the hole that Shane had left in my heart would never leave. I knew that. But I could fill it with other things that I love. And that was okay.