I Feel It In My Bones (Simon "Ghost" Riley x Reader)

Dear Diary

{ PART TWO }

Bones' Journal – January 27th

"Got myself a journal today.

Is that how you start these things? It's been so long since I've tried writing things down... but it helps Simon. Thought it might be good for me, too.

He said it helps clear the mind. And hell knows, my mind could use some clearing. Could probably use a new lick of paint and some decorative pillows, too.

The days seem to blend together lately, each one a struggle to keep it together. Sometimes, it feels like I'm drowning in memories, in regrets, in the weight of everything that's happened.

I miss Simon more than I can put into words. It's like there's this empty space inside me that only he can fill, and it aches to be apart from him.

Fuck me. That sounds dramatic. Writing in this without judging myself is going to be another hurdle, I guess.

But maybe it'll help me make sense of the mess that's become my life. Maybe it'll give me some clarity, some peace of mind.

I don't imagine it will, but it's worth a shot.

I'll try almost anything at this point."

Ghost's Journal – January 30th

"It's only been ten days.

The routine of everyday existence feels stifling, suffocating even. I've never liked going back to civilian life. It's mundane and unfamiliar after being in the military for so long.

And I miss Bones somethin' chronic.

I find myself thinking about our last moments together over and over again, the sight of her in my hoodie, the dull shine of her eyes.

I know that she needs this time with Sean. She's helping him find his footing again. I admire her for that.

I don't believe he deserves it, though.

He sided with the enemy, putting Bones and the rest of us in danger.

What little trust once existed between us is gone, irreparably damaged by his actions. I can't help but wonder if he regrets his choices, if he understands the gravity of what he's done.

Even if he does, guilt and reparations ain't enough. Betrayal like that leaves scars that don't easily fade. And while Bones may be willin' to give him a second chance, I'm not so sure I can do the same.

I talk with Bones everyday on the phone or videocall, and I grin like a damn fool each time I hear her voice or see her smile. We talk about nothing and everything, spending hours of the days and nights in each other's company.

We try to keep it lighthearted, but beneath the surface, there's always an undercurrent of longing, a silent plea for us to be together again. I try to hide it, to mask it with playful teasing, but I know she hears it in my voice, just as I hear it in hers."

Bones' Journal – January 31st

"The resilience of the human body and mind has always amazed me.

The fragility of the human body and mind has always terrified me.

Hell, I'm getting better at this writing thing.

Lately, it feels like I'm walking a tightrope, teetering on the edge of a precipice with every step. Some days, I feel like I'm holding it together just fine, like I'm managing to keep the darkness at bay. But other days... other days, it's like the ground beneath me gives way, and I'm plunged into the abyss.