If...

Chapter 2: The spy's vow

Severus hadn't moved, and he looked down. His long, greasy black hair hid his face, so much so that Lily could no longer see his eyes black as onyx. The witch no longer knew who to rely, who she could trust. Severus was her oldest friend in the wizard community, but he had chosen a dark path, and he had betrayed her by repeating a prophecy, without being aware of what he was doing. In a sense, she was grateful that she was still alive and could hug her child, but her husband was dead. All their plans, their future, their wishes had been swallowed up in seconds.

"Lily" Severus whispered.

"I don't want to talk to you" sighed the redhead.

"It's not that" the Death Eater protested. "I'll show you where you and your child could sleep."

Lily stood up and was guided by Severus. They climbed a rickety, dusty staircase that led to a narrow corridor with faded walls.

"You can sleep in this room" he advised, opening a door at the far end of the corridor.

The room wasn't very large but had a double iron bed with sheets from another time, bad bill. They didn't even seem to be clean. Just like the staircase, the room hadn't been cleaned for ages.

"It was my parents' room" Severus specified. "I'll do the cleaning" added he, embarrassing.

He raised his wand and cast several cleaning spells. The dust and cobwebs disappeared, while the sheets found a semblance of whiteness.

"I... I don't have a crib" he slurred.

"Harry will sleep with me" Lily said.

"If you need anything... Don't hesitate."

Lily gave him an angry look that is enough to make him understand that she had seen him enough. However, he placed a phial on the bedside table and left the room. The witch carefully placed the baby on the bed and lined him with the sheets. She looked with contempt at the phial, which was supposed to bring her a dreamless sleep, and refused to swallow its contents. She didn't trust Severus, unlike Dumbledore. How could she be sure that he wasn't going to call his Death Eaters friends to finish the job? Dumbledore said he had changed sides. Severus hadn't even denied when she wisely guessed that he had implored his master to spare Lily's life. He had mocked the rest, James, Harry, her grief.

She watched her son sleep, as tears ran down her cheeks. She wondered when she could return home, and if the members of the Order were taking care of her husband's body. She had left James alone, in their devastated house. With a feverish hand, she wiped the tears that beaded on her cheeks. How was she going to be able to take care of their baby without James? How was she going to be able to protect her son from mortal perils without her husband? She felt like she couldn't.

For an hour she stared at the ceiling and in no way sought sleep. She feared to see Voldemort's face again, to hear James's voice shatter in a howl just before his death... And she feared that a supporter of Voldemort would appear in the shadows to kill her little boy. She would never again part with her wand, and she suddenly realized that Severus had kept her. She had made that stupid mistake again. She kissed her son on the forehead and began to look for her wand on the ground floor. Lily had heard Dumbledore's spy come down the steps. His room might have been there, although the corridor had two other doors.

In her turn she went down the stairs. The steps creaked under her feet. The ground floor was dark, and the switches weren't working. Severus had certainly seized the first opportunity to transform the Muggle home into a real house of wizards. With hushed steps, she went into the living room and began to search a shaky pedestal in the hope of finding her wand.

"What do you do?" asked a deep voice, that of Severus.

With his wand, he lit a lamp on the ceiling that illuminated with candles. Lily discovered with horror that he had settled into an armchair. She hadn't even distinguished him in the darkness.