My dear best friend, I miss you so much. We have known each other since we were like 4 years old. You were my older brother's age, that means you were 2 years older than me. We were inseparable. At first you were my brother's friend. You used to basically hate me because I was his little sister.
After a couple of years we became friends tho. You might not remember but I made you cookies at school! On that day we became best friends.
When you got to high school, I remember you told me you liked me a lot. I was only in fifth grade so we had to wait until I got in high school.
In 2013, it was THE year. You told me you still had feelings for me and I told you I had feelings for you. We never dated tho. I wish we did because maybe the outcome would have changed.
In that same year, your dad died of cancer. You didn't get well with your mom so it was just you and me. You went into a mental hospital multiple times, but I came to visit every day and I waited for you to get out every time.
In 2014 you told me you were getting a lot better. We were supposed to go see a movie that night. I waited so long for you at our usual spot. After a couple of hours I went back home and I called you to many times to count. Until the last call. When your mom answered the phone instead of you.. Before she could say anything, I had a feeling in my stomach. I hoped she was telling me you went back to the mental hospital.
"He killed himself" That's all she had to say to me. She was probably in shock. I get that, I really do.
Until this day, your sister still blames me. I let her blame me, I let her hurt go on me and I take all the blame for your death. I know its not my fault and you had a lot going on. It makes her feel better and im okay with that.
I do really miss you, but I know you are in a better place now. I will love you forever. The first crush I ever had. The first love I almost had.
