Face Falsa

*Chapter 2: Shockwaves and Aftermaths*

They say I'm in shock. Crinkle blanket, I scream make it stop. Except I don't want to talk. Lady sits next to me in the death taxi. Fake smile, meant to reassure. How do I tell her it's not? I close my eyes. I close my eyes, hoping I won't wake up. Hoping I'll be with them soon. Hoping I died. But I'm alive. Why?

~...~...~...~...~...~...~...~

"Mama, higher!" I giggled, the wind blowing past my face and making my hair fly around. 

She laughed, her beautiful laugh, "Any higher, mija, and you'll go all the way around!"

I jumped, "But the perfect height to jump!"

As I did, Mama shrieked, and when I landed perfectly, like our cat, Felisa, she swore.

"Ay dios mío," she started.

"But, Mama! Wasn't it cool?"  

"Oh, you are going to give me a heart attack, nena."

"Lo siento, Mama."

"It's alright, I just want you to be safe, mami."

~...~...~...~...~...~...~...~

The doctor is talking gibberish again. The only thing I hear is that physically, I'm fine.

"...only thing would be to keep off that hand, to let the cuts heal. Mentally...I would recommend see a licensed therapist after a traumatic event like that, but that would be up to your guardian's discretion. Before I discharge you, I'd like to just ask you a couple questions in full confidence, ok? They may be hard to answer, but I'd just like you to try," He said. 

I nodded, staring at his bright green hair instead of his eyes. I know my mama would reprimand me, but I don't care. I don't care about much of anything right now.

"First, have you ever experienced suicidal thoughts or tendencies?" Dr. Maki asked seriously.

Oh, this game. Good thing I know how to play. I don't particularly want a grippy sock vacation at this moment.

I shrugged noncommittally, "Not seriously, I think. Unless you count having 6 assignments due at midnight and it's 2330 and you're thinking 'kill me now!'"

"Okay, thank you for answering. Can you tell me how recent those scars are on your thighs? They're small, barely noticeable, but clearly self-inflicted from the angle."

"I know, they are. I've been clean for like two years," I explained truthfully, "I found better, safer, healthier coping mechanisms. Now, I have a question. I asked a nurse this and he wouldn't answer me. Are my parents ok?"

"They were shot, right?"

"Yeah."

"Well, they aren't here. I haven't seen them," Dr. Maki said, "and if you want my personal, unprofessional opinion, I'll say this. We are the only hospital in like a thirty mile radius. If they're not here, they're most likely at the morgue. I'm sorry, kiddo."