shuhua knows it's coming, it's been coming for a long time and frankly she had more time with soojin than she ever thought she would get since she was diagnosed with cancer
and she should be grateful but really she's just angry, angry because she doesn't want to lose her and because soojin can't remember a single damn thing anymore and one of these days she's going to wake up and forget her name too
that will be the last straw that breaks the camel's back and she can't face soojin's death knowing that she doesn't know who she is, knowing that she doesn't remember every detail, every morning cuddling under the covers, every show with the adrenaline flowing through their veins and the love in their hearts, every fuck they had, god, sex with her is amazing, everything they do together is amazing
fuck it, shuhua can't do it, fuck it
**
soojin's eyelashes flutter, she thought she was tired but this time sleep doesn't take her immediately
shuhua's voice catches her off guard, it sounds harsh, broken and tired
she's not used to hearing shuhua like that, she sees her sitting on the corner of the bed, legs crossed and head down, the phone pressed to her ear
"fuck, I don't know, yuqi.
It's getting really, really bad, like, worse than usual.
she has a lot of trouble understanding the things I say and doesn't eat or drink anything.
fuck, she could die tonight, it's like she's barely hanging there" a pause, then
"fuck no, I'm not ready.
I'm not really, I'm afraid to sleep because I don't want to... lose her.
I'm afraid I'll fall asleep and when I wake up she'll be gone.
I don't want her to be...alone when that happens, you know? I just want her to be okay."
it certainly isn't a conversation she would have had if she knew soojin was awake and it somehow makes things worse
she doesn't want to die, but she has to
the thought makes her sad so she rolls over and squeezes her eyes shut, her brain implodes and explodes inside her and she just wants it to be over
she hopes shuhua can sleep tonight
YOU ARE READING
birthmark //sooshu
Teen Fiction"stay" shuhua whispers desperately, pressing her lips to soojin's temple, as if she could somehow ease the pain that was surfacing there; but she can't make the pain stop and no matter how hard she tries, she can't make soojin stay. TW: TERMINAL ILL...
