Dear Diary : The Untold Words

1

Like every year, this year, april 24 isn't far from today. It's 16 almost 17th of april.
Things are getting hard again but thank god for my final beings in april, my mind is off about thinking that particular thing.

I guess it'll pass just like last year but in what cost?

I lost my best friends not only one but two, one to life and one to distance. I doubt distance is the main reason cause I'm not in that state of mind of not talking to him but that's all i need. But whatever he isn't taking part in my hard times, it doesn't matter if i did that in past was there for him and him not being with me. It's okay i do not mind anymore because she was the connection that i need the most but now she ain't alive. Crying won't do anything but to increase my pain inside my chest.

It kept hurting even when I'm not crying or when my emotions are neutral . It still hurts bad like yesterday when i got to know. A week later after her departure. How much hard it was for her brother to be bearer of the news of her being no more in our life.

It's still feel like yesterday, a normal evening of 7 p.m june 21 but i got to known on 28 june exact a week later.

Got to know that she was admitted in hospital. We were in the same city in the same time but yet i was unaware of the pain she was in. Only if i called her that day maybe, maybe the scenario would have been different. Maybe that's why i was missing her too much yet i didn't called her . For what? Her last message was to not disturb her but i should disturbed her that day . The fight between my heart and mind , mind won , but in reality my heart broke literally. I didn't hear a single noise of breaking of my heart but i felt every pain of crack, with every crack it scattered silently just like my tears flowing silently one by one reminding me of my pain. I was hurt , still I'm and i don't think I'll be ever recover from this loss.

I should've pressed her more into talking even it pissed her off i should've tried harder yet i obeyed her word .