Etched Your Name Into Me

Chapter Three

Chuuya had practically jumped off his motorcycle once he got to Dazai's apartment. His head had been racing with the worst possibilities, and as he ran up to his apartment door and practically slammed it open, he figured out he was right.

Chuuya's eyes widened, his pupils shrunken, his phone slipping from weakened fingers to crack slightly and land at the entrance of Dazai's apartment floor. He just stared in horror at Dazai's mangled, bloodied and deathly looking body for a moment, not able to process what he was seeing fast enough.

"What..?" Chuuya breathes out, taking a step closer toward Dazai. His eyes start darting around the apartment, like he's looking for someone to blame for Dazai's condition, refusing to believe he'd done it to himself. When Dazai doesn't even look up at him from where he lay, Chuuya walks towards him with haste, crouching next to him. The light in the room is very dim, only the light that had seemed to be left on in the bathroom lighting the small apartment. Dazai's open wounds fully visible to Chuuya, deep cuts made in his torso, his chest, striping down his naval, across his thighs, along his hips, down both his arms. Not one part of his body had been spared from the blade.

"Dazai, what the fuck," Chuuya whispers. He narrows his eyes when there is still no answer, and reaches for Dazai's body with satin-gloved hands, his mouth parted in silent rage. The feeling of it must have brought Dazai back to consciousness as Chuuya watches him choke on a sob and eyes fly open. He watches Dazai struggle to find Chuuya's hands with his own to pry them off, he assumed, but Chuuya is already letting go of him.

Chuuya struggles to make his words make sense as they come out like rapid-fire. "Holy fucking — what the fuck did you — what have you — Dazai for the love of fucking — why? What have you fucking done?!"

Chuuya is standing now, pacing back and forth in front of Dazai, he lifts his now bloodied satin gloves and drags them down his face. Chuuya snarls looking down at Dazai, he grips his hair pulling it back so Dazai was looking at him, his fist full of Dazai's hair shaking. His mouth is tight and his lower lip is trembling. This can't be real. What the fuck was going through the bastards mind to do this? Chuuya could hear Dazai wheezing with each breath he took. What the fuck was he suppose to do? How could he even help when he was this badly hurt?

"Fucking bastard!" Chuuya chokes out, but it's a broken sound. There was a glimmer, an unnatural moist in Chuuya's eyes, and when he swipes it away, it comes back. His nose was reddening. His mind was racing, sure he'd seen Dazai bloodied up after an attempt in the past, but it was never this bad.

"Chuuya I-" Dazai starts but Chuuya cuts him off, "Shut the fuck up you suicidal maniac, what the fuck got into you?! Huh? What the fuck would make you do this?!" He says releasing the fistful of Dazai's hair, watching his head slump down in acceptance. He notices Dazai's breathing get shallower and looks around for something to stop the bleeding, and instead finds an empty bottle of pills.
"You took pills as well?!" Chuuya picks them up cursing to himself and then looking up at Dazai's abnormally pale face. He starts panicking, standing up and rushing to Dazai's bathroom, grabbing three towels and rushing back to him. He wraps the towels around Dazai's body, hoping it would stop the bleeding even if it was just a tiny bit. He couldn't let the bastard die, he just couldn't.

"Chuuya listen-" Dazai said in a raspy voice, he had what sounded like acceptance in his voice.

"No! Shut up! You are not fucking dying you shitty bastard!" Chuuya yelled, choking on his words once again. Chuuya hears a sob come from Dazai's throat, and his eyes widen once again. He'd never heard or seen Dazai cry, not even in all the previous attempts Chuuya helped him with. it was weird, the so called 'Demon Prodigy', being this weak and vulnerable. Chuuya suddenly grabs Dazai, pulling him close, his face in Dazai's neck now, and when he speaks again, his voice is close to a whisper.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, Dazai, I'm not mad, please don't cry. I'm not mad I promise," He keeps apologising in Dazai's ear, and he feels Dazai curl into him, and for a minute Chuuya forgets that they're enemies and remembers they used to be friends. "I'm not mad I'm just — I don't fucking even know what I'm scared, I don't know what to say in these situations and —"

"Chuuya," Dazai says in a raspy voice, and Chuuya feels a finger on his mouth, indicating him to stop speaking, and he does just that.

"I'm sorry for-" Chuuya goes to stop him from speaking but Dazai puts his full hand over Chuuya's mouth and says in a stern raspy voice, "Listen." Chuuya nods this time, making eye contact with him as tears fall down his face.

"I'm sorry for abandoning you," He starts again, "Odasaku, he asked me to become a good man in his last words before he died. But that doesn't excuse me completely cutting you off. The truth is, I was scared, I was scared of you because you understood me so well, I was scared of what I was feeling every time I saw you. I feel ashamed, I'm sorry."

There were tears running down Chuuya's face now as well, what was he even saying? He never expected an apology for being abandoned. What did he mean by being scared of what he was feeling when he saw him? This was all too confusing for Chuuya and he couldn't process any of it with the strong scent of blood and vomit forcing its way into his nostrils. All Chuuya could do was nod, he didn't know what to say.

He felt dazai's heartbeat start to fade away, and started panicking, they shouldn't be fucking talking, Chuuya needs to find a way to help Dazai right now. He went to stand up but felt a hand gripping his arm.

"Don't leave," Dazai said, although his voice was barely audible.

"I need to get something to stop-"

"There's no use."

When Dazai said those words it's as if Chuuya's whole world had shattered before him. Deep down he knew he couldn't do anything, there was no use right?

"No, youre fucking lying," Chuuya growled, violently shaking off Dazai's grip on him. He stood up and started looking around Dazai's apartment for anything, absolutely anything that would help save the bastard.